Favorite Comedy Quotes
Mildred: Poor Mr. Herrington.
Lewis: I KILLED HIM?
All right, Lewis, knock em' dead. That was a figure of speech. Please don't kill anyone.Mr. Willerstein
[to Doris the Bowler Hat] I am NEVER going to invent you.Lewis
Hippie Student: [Kumar trying to buy pot] Here, that's sixt - 80 bucks.
Kumar: 80 bucks?
Hippie Student: Yeah, 80 bucks.
Kumar: Yo, this is worth 40 tops bro!
Hippie Student: Bro? I'm not your bro, bro. ok, and that's 80 bucks. You don't feel like getting high tonight? If you don't feel like getting high, that's cool with me because there's lots of people around here. See this guy? Hey, what's up, George? I smoke buds with George all the time.
Kumar: What kind of a hippie are you?
Hippie Student: What kind of hippie am I? Man, I'm a business hippie, I understand the concept of supply and demand.
Can Marion be a boy's name?Bowler Hat Guy
Mike: [dressed as security guard] Please move away from this vector and get into another coordinate pronto. There's no access for you in this quadrant.
Teen: Man, why don't you goose-step on down to the women and children over there and give them your little power trip, because they may be impressed by it, asshole!
Mike: Young man, I'm gonna twist off your head and spike it onto the floors of a nightmare you can't even imagine! I will dance with you inside the six-sided ring of fire, unless you move from this area, far and fast, NOW!
Lewis: Wait, what does Cornelius look like?
Wilbur: ...Tom Selleck.
[to Wilbur] Mister, you are grounded... until you die.Franny
I haven't had sex since I got to America.Semmi
[to Lewis] I'm not allowed to look at the time machine, let alone drive it!Wilbur
Little Doris now sleeps with the fishes.Bowler Hat Guy
Dude... I cannot take you seriously in that hat...Wilbur