Favorite Comedy Quotes
These are my BREASTS. They're so BIG. I need a BRA to strap them and support because they're so HUGE they need to be hooked and strapped for support. My big boobs, this one is bigger than this one 'cause is the mommy and that's the baby. And this one is very nice to this one and they hold hands because they're FRIENDS!Mary Katherine Gallagher
[to Remy] You were the one getting fancy with the spices!Linguini
Every time I give an order, it gets screwed up! Plan a reception, wrong hors d'oeuvres. Appoint an ambassador, he leaves the country.President Thomas 'Tug' Benson
Ya see, me and the Lord have an understanding.Jake
Kyle: Get out of here, Ike. You're too young for this stuff.
Who died and made you fucking king of the zombies?
They probably sit around on the floor with wine and cheese, and mispronounce allegorical and didacticism.Isaac Davis
[Monkey slaps Larry on the head, Larry retaliates] Lawrence, who's evolved?Teddy Roosevelt
This is one of my personal favorite parts of the tour. Please say hello to our residents, Pedro and his wife Inez. Inez is holding a clay pot that she seems very proud of. She has carefully detailed it with lots of paint and glaze. And Pedro is working on an "adobe." Can you say that with me? "Adobe".Tina
If there's an empty space, just fill it with a line, that's what I like to do. Even if it's from another show.Ron Albertson
Michael: Just don't want a relationship based on lies...
Cedric: That's marriage.
General George Armstrong Custer: Any questions?
[Sacajawea raises her hand]
General George Armstrong Custer: [Mumbles her name]
Sacajawea: That is not my name.
General George Armstrong Custer: Sacajamea?
General George Armstrong Custer: Sac, Sack-in-a-box?
General George Armstrong Custer: Cinco De Mayo. Mission Accomplished.