Favorite Comedy Quotes
I want a world where Frank junior and all the Frank juniors can sit under a shady tree, breathe the air, swim in the ocean, and go into a 7-11 without an interpreter.Lt. Frank Drebin
Mole. Bloody mole. We aren't supposed to talk about the bloody mole, but there's a bloody mole winking me in the face. I want to c-u-u-t it off, ch-o-o-p it off, and make guacamole.Austin Powers
I remember the staff at our public school. You know, we had a saying, uh, that those who can't do teach, and those who can't teach, teach gym. And, uh, those who couldn't do anything, I think, were assigned to our school.Alvy Singer
Brodie: You know about this game show they got goin' on here? We need you guys to somehow ensure that it doesn't happen.
Jay: Is that it? We were gonna do that anyway.
Brodie: Really? Why?
Jay: What else are we gonna do?
Earl Bassett: Is this a job for an intelligent man?
Valentine McKee: Well, show me one and I'll ask him.
I don't have a problem with objective reporting. What I have a problem with is some wombat... coming on my boat trying to railroad me.Steve Zissou
Adam's Mom Diane: I'm moving in.
Adam's Mom Diane: I'm your mother, Adam.
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Uh, Nate?
Nate: Yes, Mr. Rydell?
Dr. Buddy Rydell: I thought we agreed not to listen to games while in sessions.
Nate: Oh, it's perfectely fine Mr. Rydell. I got it under control. See? Iverson just missed the shot, the Sixers lose. Who cares ... THE ANGER SHARKS ARE SWIMMING MY HEAD. YOU GOTTA DUNK THAT SHIT! YOU GOTTA DUNK THAT SHIT!
Ray: Murder, father.
Priest: Why did you murder someone, Raymond?
Ray: For money, father.
Priest: For money? You murdered someone for money?
Ray: Yes, father. Not out of anger. Not out of nothing. For money.
Priest: Who did you murder for money, Raymond?
Ray: You, father.
Priest: I'm sorry?
Ray: I said you, father. What are you, deaf?
[Ray raises pistol]
Ray: Harry Waters says hello.
Stef: Look, I know you think you know Frank pretty well, but there's probably a few things you're not gonna wanna hear.
Laurel Pearson: Like that he came back to Buffalo to kill Edward O'Leary so he could stop him and the rest of the Irish from getting into bed with some Chinese sugar daddy and wiping your family off the map? Oh, and he's a really big drunk.
Stef: [pauses] Wow. He's really opening up.
It's customary to sneak out after communion.Father Brian Finn
[reading from a review] This album begs the question "What day did the Lord create Spinal Tap, and couldn't head have rested on that day too?"Marty DiBergi