Favorite Comedy Quotes
We come from America. You might have heard of it? We run your jerkwatter country.Roy
[thrown into prison] There must be some mistake! I'm Kermit the Frog!Kermit
But there's no way I could stop it's use in my lifetime is there? I mean, Jimmy Carter would have an electric car by now. I could have a Cadillac Escalade and it could be electric. I wouldn't have to ride my bicycle.Tommy Corn
Every time I give an order, it gets screwed up! Plan a reception, wrong hors d'oeuvres. Appoint an ambassador, he leaves the country.President Thomas 'Tug' Benson
We need to find the point in time that things went wrong and fix it.Jacob
We must become invisible, travel silently, for there are forces that would seek to destroy us.Horton
Jake: What are we doing here?
Elwood: You promised you'd visit the penguin the day you got out.
Jake: Yeah? So I lied to her.
Elwood: You can't lie to a nun. We got to go in and visit the penguin.
Jake: No... fucking... way.
Russell Gettis: That was a nice thing you did for him.
Elizabeth Halsey: He was going through a difficult time.
Russell Gettis: I am going through a difficult time. May I have your panties?
Elizabeth Halsey: I'm not wearing any.
Oh, no, not me. Not old Carol. The night is young and I'm not hittin' the rack till I get a little action.Carol
Harry: Yeah, well, I don't know. These places just don't do it for me.
Lloyd: What's the matter, Har? Some little filly break your heart?
Harry: No, it was a girl.
Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.Alvy Singer
General George Armstrong Custer: Any questions?
[Sacajawea raises her hand]
General George Armstrong Custer: [Mumbles her name]
Sacajawea: That is not my name.
General George Armstrong Custer: Sacajamea?
General George Armstrong Custer: Sac, Sack-in-a-box?
General George Armstrong Custer: Cinco De Mayo. Mission Accomplished.