Favorite Comedy Quotes
Justin: This place is too important to us! Gordon, where do you go when your wife changes the locks?
Gordon: Average Joe's.
Justin: Right! Dwight, Owen, what are you going to do if Average Joe's closes? You gonna work at the airport again?
Dwight: Say what? I ain't working at no airport!
Justin: No, 'cause you hated it! Steve! Where is it you go to do... whatever it is that you do?
Steve the Pirate: Garrr! Joe's be the only place for Steve!
So what if he beat you with a candle stick. I bet it happens all the time!Dupree
Elaine Dickinson: Would you like something to read?
Hanging Lady: Do you have anything light?
Elaine Dickinson: How about this leaflet, "Famous Jewish Sports Legends?"
Stephanie: You're a virgin?
Luke Shapiro: No. Naw. I just haven't officially had sex yet.
Wow, If he's here, who's running hell?Van Wilder
Rufus T. Firefly: Lieutenant, why weren't the original indictment papers placed in my portfolio?
Bob Roland: Why, uh, I didn't think those papers were important at this time, your Excellency.
Rufus T. Firefly: You didn't think they were important? Do you realize I had my dessert wrapped in those papers?
If you ain't gonna shoot him Kung-Fu his ass or somethin'.James Carter
Jennings: Teaching is just a way to pay the bills until I finish my novel.
Boon: How long you been workin' on it?
Jennings: Four and a half years.
Pinto: It must be very good.
Jennings: It's a piece of shit.
Jack: This chick Stephanie, she's got it all goin' on.
Miles Raymond: Well, she is cute, yeah.
Jack: Cute? She's a fuckin' hottie. And you almost tell her that I'm gettin' married? What's the matter with you?
Every time I try to talk to someone it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy"...God
A is for Awesome.Olive Penderghast
C. K. Dexter Haven: Of course, Mr. Connor, she's a girl who is generous to a fault.
Tracy Lord: To a fault.
C. K. Dexter Haven: Except to other people's faults.