Favorite Comedy Quotes
Kate Veatch: I'm not a banker, I'm a lawyer.
Peter La Fleur: Really? What kind of law are you involved in, pretty eyes?
Kate Veatch: Sexual harassment, mostly.
Look... me and the McDonald's people got this little misunderstanding. See, they're McDonald's... I'm McDowell's. They got the Golden Arches, mine is the Golden Arcs. They got the Big Mac, I got the Big Mick. We both got two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions, but their buns have sesame seeds. My buns have no seeds.Cleo McDowell
Fascinating. Semmi, look at this. America is great indeed. Imagine a country so free, you can throw out broken glass on the streets.Prince Akeem
Peter La Fleur: There's someone out there for everybody.
Owen: You think?
Peter La Fleur: Absolutely. In some cases, there's two somebodies for one person. I like to call that "the jackpot".
Cotton McKnight: Average Joe's has a tough job, facing the Lumberjacks. These woodsmen probably haven't even smelled a woman in eight months.
Pepper Brooks: They must masturbate a lot, Cotton.
Prince Akeem: But when I marry, I want the woman to love me for who I am, not because of what I am.
King Jaffe Joffer: And who are you?
Prince Akeem: I am a man who has never tied his own shoes.
King Jaffe Joffer: Wrong. You are a PRINCE who has never tied his own shoes. I tied my own shoes once. It is an overrated experience.
White Goodman: Well, that's it. Good guy wins. Bad guy loses. Big freakin' surprise. That's the problem with the American cinema: Can't handle any complexity. "Whoa! Don't make me think!"
At Globo Gym we understand that "ugliness" and "fatness" are genetic disorders, much like baldness or necrophilia, and it's only your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it.White Goodman
Cab Driver: This shitty enough for ya?
Prince Akeem: Yes, this will be fine.
You're going down like a sweet muffin!White Goodman
Kate Veatch: Are you reading the dictionary?
White Goodman: Oh, you caught me. I like to break a mental sweat too.
Let me tell you, a double-fault final-play elimination hasn't occurred since the Helsinki episode of 1919, and I think we all remember how THAT turned out!Cotton McKnight