Favorite Comedy Quotes
[Monkey slaps Larry on the head, Larry retaliates] Lawrence, who's evolved?Teddy Roosevelt
Michael: Just don't want a relationship based on lies...
Cedric: That's marriage.
Inigo Montoya: You are sure nobody's follow us?
Vizzini: As I told you, it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways inconceivable. No one in Guilder knows what we've done, and no one in Florin could have gotten here so fast. [pauses] Out of curiosity, why do you ask?
Inigo Montoya: No reason. It's only... I just happened to look behind us and something is there.
Vizzini: What? Probably some local fisherman, out for a pleasure cruise, at night... through... eel-infested waters...
Herman Blume: She's my Rushmore.
Max Fischer: I know. She was mine too.
Always remember, life is not how many breaths you take, it's how many moments take your breath away.Hitch
Kumar: [sniffs] Hey, what's that smell?
Harold: What smell? Kumar...
Kumar: [starts sniffing like a crazed bloodhound, and then sees a huge bag of marijuana, his eyes widen]
Harold: Hey Kumar! Kumar! Where are you...
[Kumar rushes to the bag of marijuana]
Harold: Kumar! Still in jail, asshole! Come here!
You should be reading stories about bears that go shopping!Detective John Kimble
Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. A normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop heart. Make the bastard chase you. He will follow. But he won't know what to make of your blinker signal that says you are about to turn right. This is to let him know you're pulling off for a proper place to talk. It will take him a moment to realize that he's about to make a 180 degree turn at speed, but you will be ready for it. Brace for the g's, and fast heel-toe work.Raoul Duke
He's a caca-poopookid
Brodie: There is something out there that can help us ease our simultanious double loss.
T.S. Quint: What? Ritual suicide?
Brodie: No, you idiot, the fucking mall!
T.S. Quint: I'd prefer ritual suicide.
Brodie: Oh come on man it'll be great. They have these new cookies at the cookie stand, you have to try 'em. They're awesome.
I look like someone's homophobic aunt!Susan Cooper
That was kinda sweet. I'm kinda crushin' on you right now, Trinke.Maya