Viola De Lesseps: Master Shakespeare?
William Shakespeare: The same, alas.
Viola De Lesseps: Oh, but why "alas"?
William Shakespeare: A lowly player.
Viola De Lesseps: Alas indeed, for I thought you the highest poet of my esteem and writer of plays that capture my heart.
William Shakespeare: Oh - I am him too!

All right, boys! It's the authorities! We got you surrounded! Just come on out and grabbin' air! And don't try nothing fancy! Your sityeachin is purty nigh hopeless!

Man with Bullhorn

Norm: The place is surging with girls.
John: Please, sir, sir, can I have one to surge me, sir, please, sir?
Norm: No, you can't!

I am gonna get me some rat!


[to Val] Well, thanks for everything, you know, saving my life and stuff.

Rhonda LeBeck

Bart: Sun even shines on a dog's ass some days.
Greenie: You gettin' a dog?

Angie Ostrowiski: Is that what you're wearing?
Kate Holbrook: We *are* going to a nightclub.

Royal: What the hell kind of way to act is that?
Richie: He's on drugs.

I feel like we're in a Noel Coward play. Someone should be making martinis.

Isaac Davis

Maria Portokalos: Toula, on my wedding night, my mother, she said to me, "Greek women, we may be lambs in the kitchen, but we are tigers in the bedroom."
Toula Portokalos: Eww. Please let that be the end of your speech.

I'm gonna construct some construction that needs to be constructed.


Congresswoman: You have the full support of the Sunshine State!
Paulette: Yay for Ohio!

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