Mike O' Donnell: Why are you dating him? He's bullying your brother.
Maggie O'Donnell: Who are you my father?

My dick is brown, you dumb motherfucker!

Saddamn

Alex O'Donnell: [after watching Mike dance with Scarlet] Do you dance with all your friends moms?
Mike O' Donnell: Pretty much...

Ned Freedman: You look like a douche.
Mike O'Donnell: I do not look like a douche.

Alan Garner: Who's baby is that?
Phil Wenneck: We'll deal with the baby later.
Stu Price: We're not gonna leave a baby in the room. There's a tiger in the bathroom!

[in awe] Great Gatsby!

Amelia Earhart

Well, if it ain't Mr. "Big-in-the-Britches", himself!

Jedediah

General George Armstrong Custer: Any questions?
[Sacajawea raises her hand]
General George Armstrong Custer: [Mumbles her name]
Sacajawea: That is not my name.
General George Armstrong Custer: Sacajamea?
Sacajawea: No.
General George Armstrong Custer: Sac, Sack-in-a-box?
Sacajawea: No.
General George Armstrong Custer: Cinco De Mayo. Mission Accomplished.

Kah Mun Rah: [dramatically] I have come back to life!
Larry Daley: No, I heard that. I got that. Welcome back.

Larry Daley: Sorry, I don't mean to stare. You just look very familiar.
Woman: I get that a lot.

I didn't call you because we were in trouble... okay, we were in a pickle. But it wouldn't be the first time a had to fast talk my way out of a jam! I called you because you needed us.

Jedediah

Larry Daley: A good place to check out is the miniatures.
Woman: Can you take me there? I always get lost.

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