Favorite Comedy Quotes
Sell my guitars? Would you tell Picasso to sell his guitars?Dewey Finn
Jerry Lundegaard: Well, heck, if you wanna play games here! I'm workin' with ya on this thing, but I... Okay, I'll do a damned lot count!
Marge Gunderson: Sir? Right now?
Jerry Lundegaard: Sure right now! You're darned tootin'!
My Freshmen year I threw 176 touchdown passes. My sophomore year I ran in 14 myself... with a sprained ankle, a broken phalange, a ruptured duodenum, and a sub dermal hematoma.Austin
Wax on, wax off.Metatron
Charlie Jensen: Is it the frank or the beans?
Ted: Um ... I don't know ... both I guess.
Warren: [from outside] Franks and beans! Franks and beans!
Maria Portokalos: Ian, are you hungry?
Ian Miller: Uh no, I already ate.
Maria Portokalos: Okay, I make you something.
Bob Rogers, Jr.: I get the feeling we're gonna run into each other again and one of us could end up looking like shit.
Jack Ryan: I got a headstart on you in that department. It's not fair.
Charles: Let me ask you one thing. Do you think - after we've dried off, after we've spent lots more time together - you might agree NOT to marry me? And do you think not being married to me might maybe be something you could consider doing for the rest of your life?
Carrie: I do.
Raoul Duke: I want you to understand that this man at the wheel is my attorney. He's not just some dingbat I found on the strip, man. He's a foreigner. I think he's probably Samoan. But that doesn't matter, though, does it? Are you prejudiced?
Hitchhiker: Hell no.
Raoul Duke: I didn't think so. Because in spite of his race, this man is very valuable to me. Oh, shit. I forgot about the beer. You want one?
Raoul Duke: How 'bout some ether?
Raoul Duke: Never mind.
So what are we gonna do? Come on, think! I'm not going to an English prison. With my feathery blond hair and Chon's athletic build, they'll try to make us the bell of the ball.Roy
I may not do everything great in my life, but I'm good at this. I manage to touch people's lives with what I do and I want to share this with you.Carl Casper
Billy, listen to me. White men can't jump.Sidney Deane