Favorite Comedy Quotes
Julian Mercer: Me too.
Erica Barry: If I were writing this, this is where I would write "an awkward moment."
Harry Sanborn: Honey, if you were writing this, I'd be dead!
Veronica Sawyer: Hey, Martha. My date for the prom kinda flaked out on me. I was wondering, If you weren't doing anything that night, maybe we could rent some new releases and pop some popcorn.
Martha 'Dumptruck' Dunnstock: I'd like that.
Veronica Sawyer: Yeah. Me too.
I like smart girls. That's why I married your mama. Well, that and I knocked her up.Mr. Cavendar
Good Lord - I've heard about this - cat juggling! Stop! Stop! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Good. Father, could there be a God that would let this happen?Navin Johnson
Man, there is some talent here. You get those girls together with those assbags right there and shoot 'em humping at, like, a football game or at a prom, that video would sell. Fuck, I'm good! How do I get these ideas? It's like a gift, you know? It's like I can't control it.Kelly
Andy! You GOONIE!Troy Perkins
Reilly: It's a pet! He'll give us away!
Mr. Weenie: I've been living a lie!
[Tears off his sweater]
Mr. Weenie: Take me with you!
Is what you want for yourself to become someone very different than me?Flor Moreno
Pat Healy: What the hell is Brett Favre doing here?
Brett Favre: I'm in town to play the Dolphins, you dumbass.
Tony D'Annunzio: Give me a coke.
Danny Noonan: One coke.
[gives Tony a bottle of Coke and 50 cents]
Tony D'Annunzio: Hey wait a minute. That's only 50 cents.
Danny Noonan: Yeah well Lou raised the price of coke he's been losing at the track.
Tony D'Annunzio: Well I ain't paying no 50 cents for no coke.
Danny Noonan: Oh then you ain't getting no coke. Know what I'm talking about?
Dark Helmet: Raspberry. There's only one man who would dare give me the raspberry: Lone Star!
Donny: What'd I do to his back?
Todd: Let me jog your memory...
Donny: The New Kids on the Block! The heads are all warped!
Todd: That's because I got it in third grade, my body grew!