Favorite Comedy Quotes
Prison life is structured - more'n some people care for.H.I.
Hey, little anal-dwelling butt monkey. Time for you to go home, little buddy.Bruce
Taj: Doesn't she have a boyfriend?
Van Wilder: Details. Only details.
Red: I'm trying to decide how stoned I am and just how on the verge of death am I right now. Like, am I seeing shit because I'm stoned or because I have no blood left in my body?
Dale Denton: Well, you've been shot like seven times.
I never wash my pants. I like to keep the night on them.Nick
Agent 99: Did you see anything while I was dancing?
Maxwell Smart: Just once, but I don't think you expected him to lift you that high.
Mary: Hey, you want to go upstairs and watch SportsCenter?
Ted: No, I think I'm just going to quit while I'm ahead.
Mary: You're not that far ahead, Ted.
POLICE BRUTALITYYY! POLICE BRUTALITYYYYYY!Tracy Turnblad
Carter Duryea: [Carter and Alex meet in an elevator] 47. Are you going to Sports America offices?
Alex Foreman: Yeah.
Carter Duryea: You an intern or something?
Alex Foreman: Uh, no, my dad works there.
Carter Duryea: Oh.
Alex Foreman: Are you interning there?
Carter Duryea: No, I'm starting a job there today.
Alex Foreman: That's good. Congratulations.
Carter Duryea: Oh, thank you. I'm totally scared shitless. I have no idea what I'm doing. Don't tell anyone, okay?
Alex Foreman: Okay.
Wait up, girls; I got a salami I gotta hide still.Carl Spackler
Satan: Is sex the only thing that matters to you?
Saddam Hussein: I love you.