Favorite Comedy Quotes
Homer Simpson: Okay, son. You have only one chance to throw that bomb through the hole.
Bart Simpson: Dad, in case I don't make it, I'm sorry I said I wish you weren't my dad.
Homer Simpson: I don't blame you, son. I've never been that good of a father. Maybe it all starts with the way my father raised me. Yes, it's all clear to me. It's all just been one long, unbroken chain of...
Marge Simpson: Somebody throw the goddamn bomb!
If you can find a greasier sandwich, you're in Mexico!Krusty the Clown
[in the voice of a cartoon mouse] I'm the mascot of an evil corporation!Bart Simpson
[after the Simpsons' house collapses into the sink hole] They're China's problem now.Chief Wiggum
Ned Flanders: Ok, boys, when you meet Jesus, be sure to call Him Mr. Christ.
Todd Flanders: Will Buddha be there?
Ned Flanders: No.
Marge Simpson: Thanks for coming over.
Comic Book Guy: [happily] Thanks for giving me your pregnancy pants; I've never known comfort like this.
Larry Hooper: Lieutenant Colonel Django used funds from the project's black budget to procure prostitutes...
Bill Django: That's a lie!
Larry Hooper: ...and to get drugs for himself and his men.
Bill Django: That... well, the hooker thing is definitely a lie.
Bob Wilton: What are you doing?
Lyn Cassady: [while driving the car] Cloud bursting, it keeps me sharp.
Lyn Cassady: [clouds over head dissapear] and it's gone.
[crashes the car into a rock]
Bob Wilton: Gees, you had like the whole dessert to dive in, Lyn.
Bob Wilton: So what you're saying is that... you, are a uh... psychic spy?
Lyn Cassady: A Jedi warrior.
Lyn Cassady: [driving up behind a running prisoner yelling out the window] It's ok we're Americans, we're here to help you!
Bob Wilton: [Truck shakes and rattles a little bit] What happened?
Lyn Cassady: I think I just ran him over. Oh crap.
Mark Bellison: I did a bad thing...
Anna McDoogles: It's ok you get three!
Anna McDoogles: I was just masturbating.
Mark Bellison: That... makes me think of your vagina