Favorite Comedy Quotes
We have a great life here in Alaska, and we're never going back to America again!Homer Simpson
Ned Flanders: Look at that, you can see the four states that border Springfield: Ohio, Nevada, Maine, and Kentucky!
Bart Simpson: Oh yeah.
That was the most incredible experience of my life! And now, to find my family, save my town, and drop ten pounds!Homer Simpson
[while choking Bart for laughing at him] I'll teach you to laugh at something that's funny!Homer Simpson
Marge Simpson: Homer, you have to go out there, face that mob, and apologize for what you did.
Homer Simpson: I would, but I'm afraid if I open the door, they'll take all of you!
Carl: No we won't. We just want Homer!
Homer Simpson: Well, maybe not you, but they'll kill Grandpa!
Grampa: I'm part of the mob!
Homer Simpson: Okay, son. You have only one chance to throw that bomb through the hole.
Bart Simpson: Dad, in case I don't make it, I'm sorry I said I wish you weren't my dad.
Homer Simpson: I don't blame you, son. I've never been that good of a father. Maybe it all starts with the way my father raised me. Yes, it's all clear to me. It's all just been one long, unbroken chain of...
Marge Simpson: Somebody throw the goddamn bomb!
If you can find a greasier sandwich, you're in Mexico!Krusty the Clown
[in the voice of a cartoon mouse] I'm the mascot of an evil corporation!Bart Simpson
[after the Simpsons' house collapses into the sink hole] They're China's problem now.Chief Wiggum
Ned Flanders: Ok, boys, when you meet Jesus, be sure to call Him Mr. Christ.
Todd Flanders: Will Buddha be there?
Ned Flanders: No.
Marge Simpson: Thanks for coming over.
Comic Book Guy: [happily] Thanks for giving me your pregnancy pants; I've never known comfort like this.
Larry Hooper: Lieutenant Colonel Django used funds from the project's black budget to procure prostitutes...
Bill Django: That's a lie!
Larry Hooper: ...and to get drugs for himself and his men.
Bill Django: That... well, the hooker thing is definitely a lie.