Favorite Comedy Quotes
DEA Agent Parker: Do. You. Speak American?
Armando Alvarez: No sir. I don't speak American.
My woman, Miss Lopez, must love the land as I do.Armando Alvarez
Raul Alvarez: I'd like to propose a toast and thank those who have come from so far. But I would like to specially thank someone -- someone who many of you have often called stupid, imbecile, fat head, but...he's a guy with a big heart. I propose a toast for my brother. For your happiness Armando.
Armando Alvarez: Yes, to Raul's happiness. May you enjoy all of life's pleasure. Even if it means the destruction of the family!
Onza: Sonia, why are you sleeping with this dirty rancher?
Armando Alvarez: Say away, or I'll beat you with these hands!
I am Armando Alvarez!Armando Alvarez
Lloyd: The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her.
Harry: That's a special feeling, Lloyd.
Harry: So you got fired again, eh?
Lloyd: Oh yeah. They always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, you know?
Harry: Yeah, well, I lost my job too.
Lloyd: Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense.
Harry: No, none taken. You know what really chaps my ass though? I spent my life savings turning my van into a dog. The alarm alone cost me two hundred.
Lloyd: Hey, chicks love it. It's a shaggin' wagon.
Harry: OK gang, you know the rules, no humping, no licking, no sniffing hineys.
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Lloyd: All we need to do is show a little class, a little sophistication, and we're in like a dirty shirt.
Harry: No problem, Lloyd. We can be classy and sophistic... Oh check out the funbags on that hosehound.
Lloyd: I'd like to eat her liver with some fava beans and a nice bottle of Chi
Harry: I can't believe we drove around all day, and there's not a single job in this town. There is nothing, nada, zip!
Lloyd: Yeah! Unless you wanna work forty hours a week.
Lloyd: What is the Soup Du Jour?
Waitress #1: It's the Soup of the Day.
Lloyd: Mmmm. That sounds good. I'll have that.
Lloyd: This isn't my real job, you know.
Lloyd: Nope. My friend Harry and I are saving up to open our own pet store.
Mary: That's nice.
Lloyd: I got worms!
Mary: I beg your pardon?
Lloyd: That's what we're gonna call it. "I Got Worms!" We're gonna specialize in selling worm farms. You know, like ant farms.
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something. I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.Harry