Favorite Comedy Quotes
Quite a large and economically diverse crowd here at the Michelob Invitational.Announcer
Sir Bedevere: What makes you think she's a witch?
Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt!
Sir Bedevere: A newt?
Peasant 3: ...I got better.
Mel: Which reminds me, where's your report card?
Cher: It's not ready yet.
Mel: What do you mean, "it's not ready yet?"
Cher: Well, some teachers are trying to low-ball me, Daddy. And I know how you say, "Never accept a first offer", so I figure these grades are just a jumping off point to start negotiations.
Lewis: Wait, what does Cornelius look like?
Wilbur: ...Tom Selleck.
[filling out paperwork] Name? Austin Danger Powers. Sex? Yes please!Austin Powers
Billy Hoyle: You are so stupid. It would take your mother 1, no, 2 hours to watch 60 MINUTES.
Sidney Deane: Don't start that shit again.
Like sands of the hourglass, so are the days of our lives.Socrates [speaking Greek]
So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea.King Jaffe Joffer
Amber: Ms. Stoeger, my plastic surgeon doesn't want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose.
Dionne: Well, there goes your social life.
TV Sports Announcer: [announcing basketball game on TV] 3 seconds left. The shot is up...
TV Narrator: [Peyton switches channel] Welcome to the magical world of ponies!
Catherine: Hi. I'm Catherine.
Uninterested Guy: I know. We just had sex five minutes ago
Foxxy Cleopatra: Hey. What's kickin', Basil?
Basil Exposition: A lot is kicking, Foxxy.