Mike: What the hell was that?
Steve: A chunk in the road or something.
Mike: I just chunked in my pants.

Mark: Don't put me in this position where I have to fuck my way out of a corner!
Leo: He'll do it too. I've seen him.

Police Liaison Officer: What the hell is that? What the hell is that?
Dale Denton: Oh, oh, it's a roach. It's a joint. I have anorexia. Honest I thought it was decriminalized.
Police Liaison Officer: Selling drugs to minors has *not* been decriminalized. I'm the police liaison officer with this school and I just saw a bunch of my kids comin' around the corner with their eyes as red as the devil's dick!

Charlotte York: I always knew she'd marry Big.
Samantha Jones: You thought that after the second break up?
Charlotte York: Yep.
Miranda Hobbes: After the fifteenth?
Carrie Bradshaw: Ha ha, we broke up a lot.

Andy: [hysterically] I should've let him look at my body! Don't I have a beautiful body? Don't I have a beautiful body?
Brandon Walsh: You've got a great body.
Andy: How many more years do I have before I get all fat? Before my hair falls out? Before I look like him?

Everybody: Hello. Do you know us? We're a Major League Baseball team.
Jake Taylor: But since we haven't won a pennant in over 30 years, nobody recognizes us - not even in our own home town.
Eddie Harris: That's why we carry the American Express card.
Rick Vaughn: No matter how far out of first we are, it's cool. You know, it keeps us from getting shut out at our favorite hotels and restaurant-type places.
Pedro Cerrano: So if you're looking for some Big-League clout, apply for that little green home-run hitter.
Roger Dorn: Look what it's done for US. People still DON'T recognize us but...
Lou Brown: We're contenders now.

Like sands of the hourglass, so are the days of our lives.

Socrates [speaking Greek]

Billy Hoyle: You are so stupid. It would take your mother 1, no, 2 hours to watch 60 MINUTES.
Sidney Deane: Don't start that shit again.

[singing] I feel pretty ... oh, so pretty ... oh, so pretty and witty and... gay.

Dave Buznik

Donkey: Man, you gotta warn somebody before you crack one like that. My mouth was open and everything.
Shrek: Donkey, if that was me, you'd be dead. That's brimstone... we must be getting close
Donkey: Yeah, right, brimstone, don't be talking about no brimstone. I know what I smelt and it wasn't no brimstone and it didn't come off no stone neither.

TV Sports Announcer: [announcing basketball game on TV] 3 seconds left. The shot is up...
TV Narrator: [Peyton switches channel] Welcome to the magical world of ponies!

When you get the blanket thing you can relax because everything you could ever want or be you already have and are.

Bernard Jaffe

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