Favorite Comedy Quotes
Fred: You know what I love about divorcees? ...They love sex.
Rick: Is that true?
Fred: I don't know... I'd like to think so.
Rick: You would like to think that.
Grace: What the hell is wrong with you two? You are completely obsessed with sex! This morning you left the computer on g*ng***gf*c*b*th.com!
Fred: I get my weather from that site.
Coakley: We're going to run my favorite play. Starts with a p. And ends with an *ssy.
Fred: What is it?
Girl: I'd love to try everything once.
Rick: Skydiving
Girl: Skinny dipping in the Indian Ocean....
Rick: Sleep with a married guy....
E.B.: Dad, I wanna drum in a band. I wanna see the world.
EB Dad: EB, the Easter bunny sees the world all in one night.
E.B.: oh, Really dad? What about China?
EB Dad: (Remembers being thrown out in China) Right, so we haven't cracked China yet.
E.B.: Don't wanna be the Easter bunny.
EB Dad: 4000 years of tradition doesn't end just because one selfish bunny doesn't feel like doing it!
E.B.: What are the newspapers for?
Fred: You know you're an animal, so..
E.B.: Oh, I understand. I'll just sleep down here, among my poo and pee, like a pig.
E.B.: Is she seeing anyone?
Fred: No. She's single and she's looking for a rabbit.
I have the talent, I have the drive.. (got hit by a car) I have to avoid whatever that was.
E.B.
E.B.: Fred, I am special.
Fred: We are all special.
E.B.: You are not getting it. I mean I am really special.
I could bunk down anywhere, West wing, master suite, I'm not picky.
E.B.
Fred: Don't eat that (E.B.'s jelly bean poop)
Fred: You might not like the flavor.
Sam: Fred, relax.
Sam: [crunch] Watermelon.
Annie: You are going along with your life and you look around and you notice like Ohh. I am in my 30's, I am 40,000 dollar in debt. I live with a weirdo.
Lillian: You have a super creepy roommate.
