Favorite Comedy Quotes
Kurt: "He looks like James Bond!"
Dale: "He really does, dude! I bet he carries one of those guns that you screw together...like the coolest guns they make, man!"
Nick: "This is so dangerous - what if that's an undercover cop? Or better yet, what if it's the real thing and he charges so much money, we can't afford it, he gets pissed off and kills us!"
Dale: "That's not gonna...he kills one of us?! Hold on - could that happen?"
(Not a Hitman knocks)
Nick: "Gotta let him in now."
Kurt: "How's my hair?"
Nick: "What do you mean, how's my hair?!"
Kurt: "It doesn't matter...okay, let's do this."
Dave: "You want one?"
Nick: "It's 8 o'clock in the morning."
Dave: "It's 18-year-old Scotch - you want a promotion, you gotta earn it."
Nick: (downs Scotch)
Nick: "You're gonna be our lookout."
Dale: "I'm gonna honk the horn six times."
Kurt: "Something much more subtle..."
Dale: "Four honks?"
Nick: "Can you honk once?"
Dale: "People honk once all the time - you're gonna be running in and out of the house..."
[to his parol officer] I broke down, I went and smoked with the kid that lives across the street from me.
Ned
I gotta get back to work on the "tomnion." It's a cross-pollination between a tomato and an onion.
Ned
Your personality gets in the way of your looks. Your very good looks.
Ned
Miranda: Well, come on Liz, I mean look, I don't know, what's going on with your hair here? It's like a science experiment back there. And I know you own contacts, you know. And you're wearing plastic shoes and, I mean, what's this shirt even made of?
Liz: It's flax.
Miranda: See, isn't that a food? You're wearing food!
Cindy: Who's the man Ned?
Ned: Me.
Cindy: Yes. Say it, who's the man?
Ned: Who's the man?
Our idiot brother just ruined my freaking life!
Natalie
Adam: You really think that a girl is going to go for me just 'cause I have cancer?
Kyle: For the millionth time. Yes!
If you were a casino game, you would have the best odds.
Kyle
Celebrities beat cancer all the time. Lance Armstrong, he keeps getting it.
Kyle
