Jill: Are you going bald?
Jack: Huh?
Jill: No no no, you're getting fatter, and your hair doesn't realize it needs to cover more face.
Jack: Okay.

Jack: Jill this is Otto.
Otto: Nice to meet you.
Jill: (Yells) :Nice to meet you! He's homeless, right?
Jack: Are you whispering with a bull horn or something? Everybody hears you.

Gary: You and Jill are so alike!
Jack: We are nothing alike, I promise you.

Al Pacino: Your sister and I grew up on the same streets. When I look at her, I see me.
Jack: When I look at her I see me too.

Jack: This is insane, man, you've got to call him!
Jill: Oh will you stop already? You know all he wants to do is play Twister with your sister.

I'm more of a 'sit on the couch, do what I say or I'll kill you' type of babysitter.

Noah

Sandy Griffith: Have you started looking for a job yet? What about babysitting?
Noah: Babysitting sucks. Adult men don't babysit things.

Benjamin: Hey Rosie, am I doing anything right?
Rosie: You're handsomer than the other dads. Lots of them don't have hair. So that's good.

Benjamin: I think you're incredibly pretty - please don't take offense if I don't hit on you.
Kelly: I'd be offended if you did.

At the risk of stating the obvious, you're insane.

Duncan

Kelly: We need somebody who can take charge of this place, or else we and all these animals are gone.
Benjamin: So your question is...
Kelly: Why did you buy this place?
Benjamin: Why not?

We bought a zoo!

Rosie

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