Favorite Comedy Quotes
[Comes in to the party with the bruise on his face]
Beth: What happened to your face.
Ronny: Oh I just had this bar fight.
Nick: Bar Fight
Ronny: I got this place called Zips, Zips bar and grill.
Ronny: It is a place where liers and scumbags and all kind of weird stuff like a blow up of marriage hang out.
Ronny: I am trying to fix this stuff.
Geneva: You are breaking more stuff.
[Fred is moaning, the male cop knocks on the window]
Male Cop: Are you okay?
Grace: Don't worry. This isn't what it looks like.
Fred: Yeah, it isn't.
Grace: I was giving him a faux-job.
Male Cop: A faux-job?
Female Cop: Yeah, that's when a woman goes south on a man but she doesn't use her mouth. So she uses her hands and makes noises.
Fred: Wait, what?
Coakley: That girl in the black is checking you out.
Fred: The one who looks like the chief from Cuckoo's Nest?
Coakley: No, the one sitting next to her.
Fred: You know what I love about divorcees? ...They love sex.
Rick: Is that true?
Fred: I don't know... I'd like to think so.
Rick: You would like to think that.
Grace: What the hell is wrong with you two? You are completely obsessed with sex! This morning you left the computer on g*ng***gf*c*b*th.com!
Fred: I get my weather from that site.
Coakley: We're going to run my favorite play. Starts with a p. And ends with an *ssy.
Fred: What is it?
Girl: I'd love to try everything once.
Girl: Skinny dipping in the Indian Ocean....
Rick: Sleep with a married guy....
All great artists suffer before they become famous. That lady wrote Harry Potter in a ditch.E.B.
E.B.: Dad, I wanna drum in a band. I wanna see the world.
EB Dad: EB, the Easter bunny sees the world all in one night.
E.B.: oh, Really dad? What about China?
EB Dad: (Remembers being thrown out in China) Right, so we haven't cracked China yet.
E.B.: Don't wanna be the Easter bunny.
EB Dad: 4000 years of tradition doesn't end just because one selfish bunny doesn't feel like doing it!
E.B.: What are the newspapers for?
Fred: You know you're an animal, so..
E.B.: Oh, I understand. I'll just sleep down here, among my poo and pee, like a pig.
E.B.: Is she seeing anyone?
Fred: No. She's single and she's looking for a rabbit.