I've seen better tennis playing in a tampon commercial.

Helen's Stepson

Why can't you be happy for me, and then go home and talk about me behind my back like a normal person?

Lillian

Everyone keeps talking about my accent, but I'm from America!

Bucky Larson

I'm the son of two movie stars! That's like uhh, super duper, movie star!

Bucky Larson

Debbie Larson: Love that new haircut.
Bucky Larson: I get a lot of compliments on it. Thanks Mom!
Debbie Larson: Don't thank me, thank the bowl.

Porn Store Worker: We don't sell kiddie porn.
Bucky Larson: Oh, I'm allergic to cats.

Jimmy Fallon: You don't look like the average porn star.
Bucky Larson: Oh yeah, cause I'm wearing a sweater.

Hey, what's the word Big Bird?

Bucky Larson

Kumar: Those kids put something in here.
Harold: Is it drugs? Is it semen?
Kumar: Doesn't taste like semen...

Kumar: How are you still alive?
Neil Patrick Harris: What are you talking about?
Harold: We saw you get shot, remember?
Neil Patrick Harris: You have to be more specific...
Kumar: In that whore house?
Harold: In Texas?
Kumar: You branded a prostitute...
Harold: Remember?
Neil Patrick Harris: Oh yeah...

I'll Skype you later, or text you later. Or both at the same time!

Todd

Who are those guys?

Kid at Party

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