Favorite Comedy Quotes
Father Brian Finn: I got you something. I almost didn't because I was so mad but this is too good.
Rabbi Jake Schram: Holy shit! It's the Rabbi Schlomo Schnurson rookie card! It's like the last in the series!
Daniel: And I'm afraid there's something really wrong, you know. I mean, clearly it's about his mum, but Christ, he might be injecting heroin into his eyeballs for all I know.
Karen: At the age of eleven?
Daniel: Maybe not his eyeballs, then. Maybe just his veins.
[during Who is Your Daddy game] My daddy works on a computer all day, and is the head of his company and he, um, he has a moustache and a beard, and he-he doesn't have a lot of hair, and cuz-um, since his head is so big, he can't wear any hats.Emma
He's black! He's been through a lot!Schmidt
Ladies, until you understand the mindset of a man, you are never gonna win in the game of love.Steve Harvey
[to the groundhog] Don't drive angry. Do not drive angry.Phil
Thurgood Jenkins: Oh my goodness! Now that is a titty! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout!
Brian: Bully! That's a certified fully!
We are in the most dangerous city in the world, except maybe for Detroit.Larry
Annie: You are going along with your life and you look around and you notice like Ohh. I am in my 30's, I am 40,000 dollar in debt. I live with a weirdo.
Lillian: You have a super creepy roommate.
Paula: Listen, Tripp. I'm sorry... they paid me for the whole thing...
Tripp: [Handing $300 to Paula] Here's three hundred dollars... all I got in my wallet. That should cover your cost... I hope.
Paula: No, please...
Tripp: Get the fuck outta my car.
My god, Vanessa's got a fabulous body... I bet she shags like a minx... How do I let them know because of the unfreezing process, I have no inner monologue? I hope I didn't just say that all out loud just now.Austin Powers
Okay Lunchbox, let's try this again. We tie you to the roof and you jump off and sail like a Spitfire passing right over the arch nemesis La Fours. You then swing up to the stage and knock out the pin. And when that's gone the stage is trashed and we go smoke a bowl. You got it? Now get your fat ass up there. And dude, don't forget your helmet. Snoogens.Jay