Favorite Comedy Quotes
Bore someone else with your questions.Miranda Priestly
Chas: I've had a rough year, dad.
Royal: I know you have, Chassie.
Hedley Lamarr: Maybe I could turn this thing into my advantage... if I could find a sheriff who so offends the citizens of Rock Ridge that his very *appearance* would drive them out of town.
Hedley Lamarr: But where would I find such a man?
Hedley Lamarr: ... Why am I asking you?
Dionne: Hello? There was a stop sign.
Cher: I totally paused.
[to Bob Barker] The price is wrong, bitch.Happy Gilmore
The central message of Buddhism is not "every man for himself."Wanda
Janis: What's that smell?
Cady: Oh, um... Regina gave me some parfume
Janis: You smell like a baby prostitute
Cady: Cady: Thanks!
I just wanna junk-punch him in his man business.Tipper
I am all that is man.Thorny
Deputy Chief Harvey: Do you even know the Miranda rights?
Jenko: It obviously starts with... you have the right to... remain an attorney...
Deputy Chief Harvey: Did you just say you have the right to be an attorney?
Schmidt: Well, you do have the right to be an attorney if you want to...
Olive: I'd like to dedicate this to my grandpa, who showed me these moves.
Pageant MC: Aww, that is so sweet.
Pageant MC: Is he here? Where's your grandpa right now?
Olive: In the trunk of our car.
Tripp: Do you have real feelings?
Paula: Of course I have real feelings!
Tripp: For what?
Paula: For you! And believe me I did not want that because I had a good life before you. Well, not good... but... it was okay. Well... it was empty actually, but at least I was blissfully unaware of how miserable I was. Where as now... because of you... I am acutely aware of how completely and totally unhappy I am. Thank you for that.