Favorite Comedy Quotes
I'm not here to service you, I'm here to service these young boys.Gayle Sweeny
[to Agent 99] Is that your default setting or something? Oh, today's Tuesday, I'll punch Max. Oh look, a box of kittens, I think I'll punch Max. I have this piece of bread so now I'm going to punch Max.Maxwell Smart
Crush: Dude? Dude? Focus dude... Dude?
Marlin: [wakes up]
Crush: Oh, he lives. Hey, dude!
Marlin: Oh... What happened?
Crush: Saw the whole thing, dude. First you were all like "whoa." And we were like "whoa" ... and you were like "whoa...â€
Marlin: What are you talking about?
The Dude: I dropped off the money exactly as per... look, man, I've got certain information, all right? Certain things have come to light. And, you know, has it ever occurred to you, that, instead of, uh, you know, running around, uh, uh, blaming me, you know, given the nature of all this new shit, you know, I-I-I-I... this could be a-a-a-a lot more, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, complex, I mean, it's not just, it might not be just such a simple... uh, you know?
The Big Lebowski: What in God's holy name are you blathering about?
The Dude: I'll tell you what I'm blathering about... I've got information man! New shit has come to light! And shit... man, she kidnapped herself. Well sure, man. Look at it... a young trophy wife, in the parlance of our times, you know, and she, uh, uh, owes money all over town, including to known pornographers, and that's cool... that's, that's cool, I'm, I'm saying, she needs money, man. And of course they're going to say that they didn't get it, because... she wants more, man! She's got to feed the monkey, I mean uh... hasn't that ever occurred to you, man? Sir?
No, Farva, you are under arrest for being a complete and total fuckhead.Mac
Bob: Wha - why is there tape on your nose?
Ed: See? You don't need Liz to have a good time.
Shaun: Oh, don't, man.
Ed: No! Go ahead, look at me. Can I just say one more thing? I'm not gonna say, you know, there's plenty more fish in the sea. I'm not going to say if you love her, let her go. And I'm not going to bombard you with clichÃˆs. But what I will say is this?
Ed: It's not the end of the world.
Scott Pilgrim: You know her?
Ramona V. Flowers: It was just a phase.
Scott Pilgrim: You had a sexy phase?
Ramona V. Flowers: I was just a litte bi-curious.
Roxy Richter: I'm just a little bi-furious!
If you see an opposum, kill it. Itâ€™s not a pet.Jackie Moon
Nicky: You have really kind eyes, you know that?
Andy Stitzer: Thanks. Umm... your hat has sequins.
[in Peter's dream] Can you move a little to the left? Oooooh. Yeah, that's it, greeeeeeat.Bill Lumbergh
I hope one rips the other one's shirt off and we see some fuckin titties floppin around, yeah!Jay