Favorite Comedy Quotes
Eva: I know New York is a great city, but I do not miss that lifestyle at all. I mean it was just stress, and Blackberries, and sleeping pills. I used to drink a triple latte every morning just to wake up.
Linda: Well, I see your point, but I kind of value the sleeping pill and the Blackberry and the latte.
Seth: You know you can really get trapped in that web of beepers and Zenith televisions and Walkmens and Discmans and floppy discs and zip drives, laser discs, answering machines and Nintendo Power Glove...
Linda: Wow, you know so much about technology.
George: All these people live here. This is a commune.
Seth: We prefer 'intentional community.' We're not a bunch of hippies sitting around playing guitar.
Eva: Ohh George. I like you.
George: I like you too Eva.
Eva: We should make love sometime...
If you want to pick a fight with your sexual chi, it's just going to drive it inwards - and that invites disease, and death.Seth
I'm Thomas Cub. It's my birthday today.Thomas
Costa: We'll have a whole day to fix this place up like new.
Thomas: What about this? (points to the camera) What if my parents see it?
Costa: Nobody's going to see this but us, I promise.
Jimmy Kimmel (on his show): So you know, this high school party in Pasadena -- have you seen the footage?
Mom, dad, it's me, Thomas. Um, where do I start? This is supposed to be a small get-together. I wanted to be cool for one night. You know, I wanted girls to notice me. Then things got a little out of control.Thomas
You're just like your mother, a big heart but simple. You cannot help me, I need someone smart, and if you were smart you would know that you are dumb.Miguel Ernesto
DEA Agent Parker: Do. You. Speak American?
Armando Alvarez: No sir. I don't speak American.
My woman, Miss Lopez, must love the land as I do.Armando Alvarez
Raul Alvarez: I'd like to propose a toast and thank those who have come from so far. But I would like to specially thank someone -- someone who many of you have often called stupid, imbecile, fat head, but...he's a guy with a big heart. I propose a toast for my brother. For your happiness Armando.
Armando Alvarez: Yes, to Raul's happiness. May you enjoy all of life's pleasure. Even if it means the destruction of the family!
Onza: Sonia, why are you sleeping with this dirty rancher?
Armando Alvarez: Say away, or I'll beat you with these hands!