Favorite Comedy Quotes
Eva: Ohh George. I like you.
George: I like you too Eva.
Eva: We should make love sometime...
If you want to pick a fight with your sexual chi, it's just going to drive it inwards - and that invites disease, and death.Seth
I'm Thomas Cub. It's my birthday today.Thomas
Costa: We'll have a whole day to fix this place up like new.
Thomas: What about this? (points to the camera) What if my parents see it?
Costa: Nobody's going to see this but us, I promise.
Jimmy Kimmel (on his show): So you know, this high school party in Pasadena -- have you seen the footage?
You're just like your mother, a big heart but simple. You cannot help me, I need someone smart, and if you were smart you would know that you are dumb.Miguel Ernesto
DEA Agent Parker: Do. You. Speak American?
Armando Alvarez: No sir. I don't speak American.
My woman, Miss Lopez, must love the land as I do.Armando Alvarez
Raul Alvarez: I'd like to propose a toast and thank those who have come from so far. But I would like to specially thank someone -- someone who many of you have often called stupid, imbecile, fat head, but...he's a guy with a big heart. I propose a toast for my brother. For your happiness Armando.
Armando Alvarez: Yes, to Raul's happiness. May you enjoy all of life's pleasure. Even if it means the destruction of the family!
Onza: Sonia, why are you sleeping with this dirty rancher?
Armando Alvarez: Say away, or I'll beat you with these hands!
I am Armando Alvarez!Armando Alvarez
Lloyd: The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her.
Harry: That's a special feeling, Lloyd.
Harry: So you got fired again, eh?
Lloyd: Oh yeah. They always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, you know?
Harry: Yeah, well, I lost my job too.
Lloyd: Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense.
Harry: No, none taken. You know what really chaps my ass though? I spent my life savings turning my van into a dog. The alarm alone cost me two hundred.
Lloyd: Hey, chicks love it. It's a shaggin' wagon.