Favorite Comedy Quotes
Margaret Lord: The course of true love...
Macaulay Connor: ...gathers no moss.
[brainstorming] Paul Power... Paul for President... Paul... Promise... Progress... Peanut...Paul Metzler
"Can't believe so much bad shit can happen on such a beautiful day."Miles Logan
Airport Lot Attendant: There's a minimum charge of 4 dollars, long term parking charges by the day.
Carl Showalter: I guess you think you're... you know like an authority figure, with that stupid fucking uniform, huh buddy? King clip-on-tie there, big fucking man huh? You know these are the limits of your life man. The rule of your little fucking gate here. Here's your 4 dollars you pathetic piece of shit!
You ask me one more question and I'm beating the shit out of you.Andrew
Marin: We know this about me. I'm just not cut out for this kind of drama.
Erica Barry: I think it's the drama in life that makes you strong.
Marin: You always say things like that!
I'll drop kick you across the restaurant.Dan Foreman
Steve's gotta go drain the sea-monster.Steve the Pirate
Scott Evil: [to Dr. Evil] I hate you.
Scott Evil: [to Austin] I hate you.
Scott Evil: [to Foxxy] I don't even know you, but I hate you too.
Scott Evil: [to Mini-Me] And I ESPECIALLY hate you. [runs away]
Dr. Evil: I'd just like to point out that no one else in my gene pool runs like a girl.
Jessica: You've never had an orgasm? Not even manually?
Vicky: I've never tried it.
Jessica: You've never double-clicked your mouse?
It seems like only yesterday I was strafing so many of your homes. Here I am today, begging you not to make such good cars.President Thomas 'Tug' Benson
Mary Katherine Gallagher: Oh my God!
Jesus: Oh my Me! How are you?
Mary Katherine Gallagher: It's going OK. Are you the Lord?
Jesus: Well, to you I am. See, technically, you're, like, in this REM sleep state, and I'm a mixture of your mind's images of God, some past authority figures, uh, Skye, and your dad. Basically, your subconcsious came up with me to help you deal. Dig?
Mary Katherine Gallagher: Yeah... uh, you want a glass of water or something?
Jesus: No, I'm good. I'm God!
Mary Katherine Gallagher: Oh. Right.