Favorite Comedy Quotes
Harry: OK gang, you know the rules, no humping, no licking, no sniffing hineys.
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Lloyd: All we need to do is show a little class, a little sophistication, and we're in like a dirty shirt.
Harry: No problem, Lloyd. We can be classy and sophistic... Oh check out the funbags on that hosehound.
Lloyd: I'd like to eat her liver with some fava beans and a nice bottle of Chi
If I know Mary as well as I think I do, she'll invite us right in for tea and strumpets.Lloyd
Harry: I can't believe we drove around all day, and there's not a single job in this town. There is nothing, nada, zip!
Lloyd: Yeah! Unless you wanna work forty hours a week.
Lloyd: What's the matter, Har? Some little filly break your heart?
Harry: No, it was a girl.
Lloyd: What is the Soup Du Jour?
Waitress #1: It's the Soup of the Day.
Lloyd: Mmmm. That sounds good. I'll have that.
Lloyd: This isn't my real job, you know.
Lloyd: Nope. My friend Harry and I are saving up to open our own pet store.
Mary: That's nice.
Lloyd: I got worms!
Mary: I beg your pardon?
Lloyd: That's what we're gonna call it. "I Got Worms!" We're gonna specialize in selling worm farms. You know, like ant farms.
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something. I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.Harry
Lloyd: What the hell are we doing here, Harry? We gotta get out of this town!
Harry: Oh yeah, and go where? Where are we gonna go?
Lloyd: I'll tell you where. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I'm talking about a little place called Aspen.
Harry: Oh, I don't know, Lloyd. The French are assholes.
Harry: Nice set of hooters you got there!
Mary: I beg your pardon?
Harry: The owls! They're beautiful!
Michelle: There um, hasn't been a whole lot of sexy time in the Levenstein household lately.
Selena: Why not?
Michelle: I don't know. I'm a mom now...
Selena: Oh please. Just because your a mom doesn't mean there isn't a whole other side to you.
Michelle: Hey! Remember that one time, at band camp, when we licked whipped cream off each others...
Selena: Yes! Yes, I remember...let's keep that in the past though, okay?
Steve Stifler: I love the Twilight books. New Moon is my favorite!
Teen Girl: Mine too!
Steve Stifler: Oh my god, it's like, we have so much in common!
Jim's Dad: I have not had a night like that since the 70s.
Jim: Don't need this.
Jim's Dad: You'd be surprised what you can do with a well-placed thumb.