Favorite Comedy Quotes
This is my one chance at happiness. I have to be ruthless!Julianne Potter
I got some bootie! I got some bootie! It was good, too.Thurgood Jenkins
I wish I were big.Young Josh
Michael... I love you. I've loved you for nine years, I've just been too arrogant and scared to realize it, and... well, now I'm just scared. So, I realize this comes at a very inopportune time but I really have this gigantic favor to ask of you. Choose me. Marry me. Let me make you happy. Oh, that sounds like three favors, doesn't it?Julianne Potter
Kumar: Roldy! Roldy! dude, you gotta come quick. There is these two filthy pussies just aching to get boned by us!
Kumar: I mean... duh... that there are these two lovely young pussies who would like to have a chat with you and I.
Lord Wessex: I cannot shed blood in her house, but I will cut your throat anon. Do you have a name?
William Shakespeare: Christopher Marlowe, at your service.
[as all the knights start hailing him] No. Nooo, Noooo... noooo! NOOOOOO!Ash
Coleman: Would you like a sip of whiskey?
Billy Ray Valentine: I do not drink, it is against my religion!
Coleman: Religion is a good thing I say, taken in moderation.
God bless the Internet.Finch
Go ahead and sleep on the power couch. Your training begins tomorrow, at the crack of noon.KG
Miles Finch: [pitching ideas] No tomatoes. Too vulnerable. Kids, they're already vulnerable.
Walter: See, I told you guys. I told them the same thing...
Miles Finch: And no farms. Everyone's pushing small town rural. A farm book would just be white noise.
I want you all over that ball like a fat kid on a cupcake!Van Wilder