Favorite Comedy Quotes
Sylvia: Any ideas when this wedding might happen? Grandparents do have a tendency to die.
Violet: Mom, they're all right there.
Sylvia: Well, for now...
This is supposed to be exciting. This is your wedding. You only get a few of these.Suzie Barnes-Eilhauer
Rabbi: Of course, the men will wear yarmulkes...
Tom: Definitely, I'll wear mine...
Violet: Babe, you don't have a yarmulke...
Tom: I have a whole...it's in my... my Jewish drawer.
Tom: You told me that it was gonna be two years. It's sort of like when you're on a treadmill, and you tell yourself "I want to run five miles today" and now, it's forever miles...
Violet: When was the last time you were on a treadmill? Sorry...
General Aladeen: Don't worry, I am Wadiya's number one actor. You don't win 4 Wadiyan Golden Globes for nothing.
Nadal: Yes you do, because you gave them to yourself!
James Brennan: Maybe I'm not the right guy to run this game. I really... I think I should probably be on the rides department.
Bobby: Oh, no, no, no. No. You're more of a game guy.
Paulette: Yeah, you're very... you're very gamey.
Bobby: Have you ever seen a horse race before? Have you ever, like, heard one on the radio?
James Brennan: Harness racing or, like, the normal kind?
Paulette: That's a good question.
Bobby: That doesn't really matter. Look, the Kentucky Derby, have you seen the Kentucky Derby? The way they announce it on the radio, and it's really...
Paulette: Yeah, 100, 200, going...
Bobby: That's an auction, sweetie.
Jack: We decided that, we want you to be on camera.
Alison Scott: Oh my god, really?
Jill: I know, I was so surprised too.
Oh, no, we're not asking you to lose weight. That would be illegal. We just want you to be healthy, by eating less. So go home, weigh yourself on a scale, write than down. Then subtract 20 from that number. And weigh that. Yeah.Jill
General Aladeen: Sub Saharan, can you have 150 child warriors here by 5:00pm?
You two make a cute couple. But could you do this later? When you're not elbow deep in my vagina?Pregnant Woman
That's my boy!Donny