Favorite Comedy Quotes
Grandfather: It's your nose, you know. Fans are funny that way, they take a dislike to things. They'll pick on a nose.
Ringo: Aw, you pick on your own.
George: Honestly! Me mind boggles at the very idea, a grown man and you haven't shaved with a safety razor.
Shake: It's not my fault. I come from a long line of electricians.
Reporter: How did you find America?
John: Turned left at Greenland.
Reporter: Are you a mod or a rocker?
Ringo: Um, no. I'm a mocker.
Reporter: Do you think these haircuts have come to stay?
Ringo: Well, this one has. You know, it's stuck on good and proper now.
Reporter: What would you call that hairstyle you're wearing?
Reporter: What do you call that collar?
Ringo: A collar.
Reporter: Do you often see your father?
Paul: No, actually, we're just good friends.
Grandfather: It's my considered opinion that you're a bunch of sissies.
John: You're just jealous.
Norm: Leave him alone, Lennon... or I'll tell them all the truth about you.
John: You wouldn't.
Norm: Oh, I would, though.
Shake: He's been gone awhile, hasn't he?
Norm: Who has?
Shake: Paul's grandfather.
Norm: Oh, he's down the uh...
Shake: Oh, down the uh...?
Norm: Yeah, down the uh...
Shake: Oh, we'll give him a couple minutes, then.
Real diamonds! They must be worth their weight in gold!Sugar
Joe: [trying to get Jerry to face reality regarding his engagement to Osgood] Jerry, Jerry, will you take my advice? Forget about the whole thing, will ya? Just keep telling yourself: you're a boy, you're a boy.
Jerry: I'm a boy.
Joe: That's the boy.
Jerry: [coming around] I'm a boy. I'm a boy. I wish I were dead. I'm a boy. Boy, oh boy, am I a boy. Now, what am I gonna do about my engagement present?
Joe: What engagement present?
Jerry: Osgood gave me a bracelet.
Joe: [takes it and inspects the stones with Beinstock's glasses] Hey, these are real diamonds!
Jerry: Of course they're real! What do you think? My fiance is a bum?