Favorite Comedy Quotes
Penny Lane: Maybe it is love, as much as it can be, for somebody...
William Miller: Somebody who sold you to Humble Pie for 50 bucks and a case of beer! I was there! I was there! Look ... I'm sorry.
Penny Lane: [pauses] What kind of beer?
Uh, what my associate is trying say is... Our new brake pads are really cool. You're not even gonna believe it. Like, let's say you're driving along the road with your family.Tommy
Roy: So what did your dad do? Was he an imperial guard?
Chon Wang: No, much more important. He was the Keeper of the Imperial Seal.
Roy: That's what I love about China. Everybody's job description sounds so damn cool!
Elias: The Transformers are a gift from God, Randal!
Randal Graves: Oh no, sir. The Transformers are a curse from the beast we call The Desolate One.
It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."Mr. Ryan
Let's deflower the kid.Polexia Aphrodisia
Kyle: Let me have some candy, Cartman.
Cartman: Let's see, hmm, nope, I don't have any Jewish candy.
Kyle: Fine! Like you really need all that chocolate, fat boy!
You take yourself out of the game, you start talking about puppy dogs and ice cream and of course it's going to end up on the friendship tip.Trent
Jerry, enjoy my wife.Fletcher
Roy O'Bannon: I'm so lost, Chon. Ninety percent of the time I don't even know what I'm doing out here in the West.
Chon Wang: No, you're a good outlaw.
Roy O'Bannon: Stop, please. I'm a screw-up.
Russell Hammond: And you can tell Rolling Stone magazine that my last words were... I'm on drugs!
William Miller: Russell! I think we should work on those last words!
Russell Hammond: I got it, I got it. Last words ... I dig music.
[silence] I'm on drugs!!
Jack: If they want to drink Merlot, we're drinking Merlot.
Miles Raymond: No, if anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am NOT drinking any fucking Merlot!