Favorite Comedy Quotes
Minister of Finance: Here is the Treasury Department's report, sir. I hope you'll find it clear.
Rufus T. Firefly: Clear? Huh. Why a four-year-old child could understand this report.
[to Bob Roland]
Rufus T. Firefly: Run out and find me a four-year-old child, I can't make head or tail of it.
Secretary of Labor: The Department of Labor wishes to note that the workers of Freedonia are demanding shorter hours.
Rufus T. Firefly: Very well, we'll give them shorter hours. We'll start by cutting their lunch hour to 20 minutes.
I'll see my lawyer about this as soon as he graduates from law school.Rufus T. Firefly
Be a mensch!Dr. Dreyfuss
Fran Kubelik: Shall I light the candles?
C.C. Baxter: It's a must! Gracious living-wise.
When you're in love with a married man, you shouldn't wear mascara.Fran Kubelik
That's the way it crumbles... cookie-wise.C.C. Baxter
Fran Kubelik: I never catch colds.
C.C. Baxter: Really? I was reading some figures from the Sickness and Accident Claims Division. You know that the average New Yorker between the ages of twenty and fifty has two and a half colds a year?
Fran Kubelik: That makes me feel just terrible.
C.C. Baxter: Why?
Fran Kubelik: Well, to make the figures come out even, if I have no colds a year, some poor slob must have five colds a year.
C.C. Baxter: Yeah... it's me.
Miss Kubelik, one doesn't get to be a second administrative assistant around here unless he's a pretty good judge of character, and as far as I'm concerned you're tops. I mean, decency-wise and otherwise-wise.C.C. Baxter
Just because I wear a uniform doesn't make me a girl scout.Fran Kubelik
Premium-wise and billing-wise, we are eighteen percent ahead of last year, October-wise.Kirkeby
Sylvia: You mean you bring other girls up here?
Kirkeby: Certainly not! I'm a happily married man.