Favorite Comedy Quotes
You take yourself out of the game, you start talking about puppy dogs and ice cream and of course it's going to end up on the friendship tip.Trent
Russell Hammond: And you can tell Rolling Stone magazine that my last words were... I'm on drugs!
William Miller: Russell! I think we should work on those last words!
Russell Hammond: I got it, I got it. Last words ... I dig music.
[silence] I'm on drugs!!
Dark Helmet: What did you do? You turned it off!
Colonel Sandurz: Turned off what? I just turned off the screen.
Dark Helmet: No, you didnt! You turned off the movie!
KG: Gimme a powerslide. Full throttle.
[Hissing while performing a horrible powerslide]
KG: How did that feel?
JB: Really good. How did it look?
KG: Amazing... ly bad.
Rachel Rose: [to Brian and Anna] So how long have you two been together?
Father Brian Finn: Oh, right!
Anna Riley: Oh, we go way back.
Father Brian Finn: Yeah, we've known each other since we were kids 'cause we grew up together and we connected again a couple months back this was and we just clicked, really unexpectedly.
Go to sleep! Why won't you just go to sleep!Droz
Tomika: [explaining why she is nervous] They'll laugh at me.
Dewey Finn: What? Why would they laugh at you?
Tomika: I dunno... because I'm fat.
Dewey Finn: Tomika... Ok, you've heard of Aretha Franklin right? She's a big lady. But when she sings, she blows people's minds! Everyone wants to party with Aretha! And, you know who else has a weight problem?
Dewey Finn: Me. But when I get up there and start doing my thing, people worship me! Because I'm sexy, and chubby, man.
Tomika: Why don't you go on a diet?
Dewey Finn: Because I like to eat! Is that such a crime?
[Lin slaps Chon Wang]
Chon Wang: I just saved you!
Chon Lin: You were late!
Kenny Fisher: Do you, uh... what a drink?
Stoned Girl: Okay.
Kenny Fisher: Uh... how 'bout I poison it?
Stoned Girl: Okay.
Constantine: My name will go down as the greatest thief of all time!
Dominic Badguy: You mean our names, right?
Constantine: Of course. My name first, then space bump, space bump, space bump, your name...
What is it with all the women in this family, that makes all the men in this family wanna leave?Garry
Eli: Okay, you know what the three of us are? We're a tripod.
Matt: A tripod?
Eli: Yes, a tripod. Which means that if you knock out one of our legs... WE. ALL. FALL!