Favorite Comedy Quotes
Joe: [wearing sunglasses at night with two other members of the Pharoh's gang] Whadaya doin' creep?
Curt Henderson: Who, me?
Joe: No, I'm talkin' to the other fifty creeps here. You know Gil Gonzales?
Curt Henderson: Gil Gonzales? No. No, I don't.
Joe: Don't know Gil huh? Well you oughta. He's a friend of ours and that's his car you got your butt parked on.
Man at Accident: [after Terry has backed into his car] Excuse me, but I think we've had an accident.
Terry Fields: Well, goddammit, I won't report you this time, but next time just watch it, will ya?
Stand by for justice!Curt Henderson
Carol: You're a regular J.D.
John Milner: File that under uh, C.S. over there.
[hands her the ticket Holstein just issued him]
Carol: C.S.? What's that stand for?
John Milner: Chicken shit - that's what it is.
[puts the ticket in the glove compartment which is full of similar tickets]
John Milner: I know, uh... you probably think you're a big shot, goin' off like this...
John Milner: [he slaps Curt] ... but you're still a punk.
Curt Henderson: OK, John... So long... So long!
[Steve, Terry, Laurie and John wish Curt goodbye]
Terry Fields: Have a good trip!
Laurie Henderson: Bye, Curt. Good-bye!
Terry Fields: Hey, what do you say, Curt? Last night in town... you guys gonna have a little bash before you leave?
Steve Bolander: The Moose have been looking for you all day.
[hands a check to Curt]
Steve Bolander: They got worried... thought you were trying to avoid them or something.
Terry Fields: What is it? What do ya got?
Curt Henderson: Oh, great.
Terry Fields: That's $2,000 man! Two thousand dollars!
Steve Bolander: Mr. Jennings gave it to me to give to you. He says he's sorry it's so late, but it's the first scholarship the Moose Lodge has given out. And he, uh, says they're all very proud of you back at the lodge.
Curt Henderson: Cute. Why don't you hold it for me for awhile?
Steve Bolander: Hey, I don't want it. Take it... it's yours.
Terry Fields: I'll take it!
Debbie Dunham: Is that tuck and roll?
Terry Fields: Yeah!
Debbie Dunham: That's bitchin' tuck and roll! You know, I really love the feel of tuck and roll upholstery.
Terry Fields: You do?
Debbie Dunham: Yeah.
Terry Fields: Yeah? Well, get in and I'll let you feel it... I mean, you know, you can touch it... uh... I'll let you feel the upholstery.
Debbie Dunham: Okay.
Debbie Dunham: Maybe if it's the goat killer, he'll get somebody and we'll see the whole thing.
Terry Fields: I don't want to see the whole thing.
Oh, no, not me. Not old Carol. The night is young and I'm not hittin' the rack till I get a little action.Carol
Steve Bolander: Where are you going? It's awfully early in the morning.
Curt Henderson: [pause] I have a dentist appointment.
John Milner: What the hell's goin' on here, Toad? Hey, man, are you all right?
Terry Fields: Yeah, I'll die soon, then it'll all be over, John.
Debbie Dunham: Wow, you're just like the Lone Ranger.
John Milner: Yeah, yeah. Listen, are you with him?
Terry Fields: You're talking to the woman I love.
John Milner: What happened, man?
[to Terry] Is that you in that beautiful car? Geez, what a waste of machinery!Teenager in car