Favorite Comedy Quotes
[breathes heavily, Darth Vader-style] I can't breathe in this thing!Dark Helmet
Peel out, I just love it when guys peel out.Debbie Dunham
Dan: If I'm gonna be an old dad, you're gonna be Uncle Charlie. We can do this.
Trust me, Greg, when you start having little Fockers running around, you'll feel the need for this type of security.Jack Byrnes
[giving the pre-match pep talk] And will someone catch a goddamn ball? It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob out there!Patches O'Houlihan
Maya: I do it at least twice a day.
Ollie: Good God!
The American Express Card. Don't steal home without it.Willie Mays Hayes
Hitch: [talking about when kissing going 90 per cent then he goes 10] All right show me the magic.
[going to kiss Hitch]
Hitch: [after being kissed] What the hell?
Albert: Well, you said show me the magic
Hitch: Yeah, but you go 90 then I go 10. You don't go the whole hundred, you over-eager son of a... BLECH!
Pee-wee: How do ya like school, Billy?
She used her super-intellect on me! She's like Hanibal Lecter.J.D.
Brandon: Do you wanna go out with me?
Olive Penderghast: Brandon, just a couple of hours ago you told me you were gay.
Brandon: You said I should pretend to be straight.
Olive Penderghast: I didn't mean with me!
Brandon: I am tormented every day at school. Just one good, imaginary fling.
Elaine Miller: Look at this: an entire generation of Cinderellas and no glass slipper.