Favorite Comedy Quotes
Tracy Lord: These stories are beautiful. Why, Mike, they're almost poetry.
Macaulay Connor: Don't kid yourself, they are.
Macaulay Connor: I don't think you're being fair to me, Mr. Kidd.
Sidney Kidd: No?
Macaulay Connor: No. You're treating me like you treat all your other writers.
Margaret Lord: Are you one of the musicians?
Macaulay Connor: No!
Margaret Lord: Oh of course, you're Junius's friend. Only you're not. Do you have any violin strings?
Macaulay Connor: [digs in his pocket] I have an aspirin. Will that work?
Margaret Lord: I don't think so! It's for a violin. Oh well, no matter!
Macaulay Connor: What's this? Is it my book?
C. K. Dexter Haven: Yes.
Macaulay Connor: C. K. Dexter Haven you have unsuspected depth!
C. K. Dexter Haven: Thanks, old chap.
Macaulay Connor: But have you read it?
C. K. Dexter Haven: When I was trying to stop drinking, I read anything.
Macaulay Connor: And did you stop drinking?
C. K. Dexter Haven: Yes. Your book didn't do it though.
Can we get through one fucking conversation without you reminding me that my goddamn husband's dead?
Tiffany
Tiffany: You love me?
Pat: Yeah.
Tiffany: Okay.
You're not a standup guy today, Pat!
Tiffany
I don't have an iPod. I don't have a phone. They don't let me make calls. I'm going to call Nikki.
Pat
Mom, can we stop at the library? I want to read Nikki's entire high school syllabus.
Pat
Nikki's waiting for me to get in shape and get my life back together. Then we're going to be together.
Pat
Ahoy polloi... where did you come from, a scotch ad?
Spalding Smails
Todd Cleary: We had a moment at the dinner table didn't we?
Jeremy Grey: No! No! We did not have a moment at the dinner table, Todd!
