Favorite Comedy Quotes
Veronica Corningstone: If you touch Ron, I will burn your face with a curling iron.
Ron Burgundy: Meow!
George: All these people live here. This is a commune.
Seth: We prefer 'intentional community.' We're not a bunch of hippies sitting around playing guitar.
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Also, if you are unable to stop masturbating please, do so without the use of any pornographic images depicting quote, unquote 'angry sex.' That having been said, I'm a pretty good guy, and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised how much fun we can have together.
Dave Buznik: Geez, without slippy-flippy's or angry masturbating I don't see how that's possible.
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Sarcasm is anger's ugly cousin... from now on, unacceptable.
Evelle: Gale? Um, Junior just had a ... an accident.
Gale: What's that, pardner?
Evelle: He had hisself a little ol' accident.
Gale: What do you mean? He looks okay.
Evelle: No. You see, moving though we are, he just went and had hisself a little ol' rest stop.
Gale: [sniffs the air] Well, that's natural.
Bartender: We don't have beer. Just tequila.
Ned Nederlander: What's tequila?
Bartender: Uh, it's like beer.
Sorry, Woody, about your situation. But you're a lying asshole. That's like an asshole's asshole.Bobby Davis
Kostos: We are no good at not loving each other...
Lena: I tried. I tried, but I couldn't.
Kostos: I tried too...
Mrs. Murphy: Help you two?
Elwood: Do you have any white bread ma'am?
Mrs. Murphy: Yeah.
Elwood: I'll have some toasted white bread please.
Mrs. Murphy: You want butter or jam on that, honey?
Elwood: No ma'am, dry.
Captain O'Hagan: Well, this burger thing with Farva's really screwed our pooch.
Thorny: What? They can't lump us in with that fuckin' martian!
Rita: Why would anybody want to steal a groundhog?
Larry: I can think of a couple of reasons... the pervert.
Well, I guess when I'm your age, I'll forget what I eat, too.Valentine McKee
Harry Dunne: Come on, Lloyd. You gotta get over her. Mary Samsonite was just a girl.
Harry Dunne: That's it, kid. Come on, come on, come on! Spit it out.
Lloyd Christmas: GOT YOU!
Harry Dunne: Wait a minute. Do you mean you have been faking for 20 years?
Lloyd Christmas: Mm-hmm.
Harry Dunne: And it was all for a gag?
Lloyd Christmas: Yep.
Harry Dunne: That's... awesome!