Favorite Comedy Quotes
Hey monkeys, how about a little respect. The presiding person of the university just walked in.Droz
John Bender: What's that?
Claire Standish: Sushi.
John Bender: Sushi?
Claire Standish: Rice, raw fish, and seaweed.
John Bender: You won't accept a guy's tongue in your mouth, and you're going to eat that?
Claire Standish: Can I eat?
John Bender: I don't know. Give it a try.
Lewis: Goob, I had no idea!
Bowler Hat Guy: Shut up! And don't call me "Goob"! How many evil villians do you know that can pull off a name like "Goob"? Bleh!
Lewis: Look, I'm sorry your life turned out so bad. But don't blame me you messed it up yourself. You just focused on the bad stuff when all you had to do was... let go of the past and keep moving forward...
Bowler Hat Guy: Hmm, let's see... take responsiblity for my own life or blame you? Dingdingdingdingding! Blame you wins hands down!
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Alright, I'm going to need for you to retard your anger level a few notches and listen to me, can you do that?
Dave Buznik: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah... it's retarded, I'm retarded.
Haven't you seen Boyz N The Hood? Now one of us is going to get shot.Mike
Fathers are the ones that pick you up and give you the courage to do stuff you never thought you could.Monique Vasquez
Well, it's like, how many babies fit the tire? You know, that old joke.Corky St. Clair
To Al's Toy Barn... and beyond.Buzz Lightyear
I'm not proud of this.Olive Penderghast
Hey that's the motherf- I mean... that's the gentleman that had me busted.Billy Ray Valentine
Wild thing, you make my heart sing.Lady
Marie: I don't think he's every going to leave her.
Sally: I know he's never going to leave her.
Marie: You're right, you're right. I know you're right.