Favorite Comedy Quotes
Margaret Lord: Are you one of the musicians?
Macaulay Connor: No!
Margaret Lord: Oh of course, you're Junius's friend. Only you're not. Do you have any violin strings?
Macaulay Connor: [digs in his pocket] I have an aspirin. Will that work?
Margaret Lord: I don't think so! It's for a violin. Oh well, no matter!
Macaulay Connor: What's this? Is it my book?
C. K. Dexter Haven: Yes.
Macaulay Connor: C. K. Dexter Haven you have unsuspected depth!
C. K. Dexter Haven: Thanks, old chap.
Macaulay Connor: But have you read it?
C. K. Dexter Haven: When I was trying to stop drinking, I read anything.
Macaulay Connor: And did you stop drinking?
C. K. Dexter Haven: Yes. Your book didn't do it though.
Can we get through one fucking conversation without you reminding me that my goddamn husband's dead?Tiffany
Tiffany: You love me?
I don't have an iPod. I don't have a phone. They don't let me make calls. I'm going to call Nikki.Pat
Mom, can we stop at the library? I want to read Nikki's entire high school syllabus.Pat
Nikki's waiting for me to get in shape and get my life back together. Then we're going to be together.Pat
Todd Cleary: We had a moment at the dinner table didn't we?
Jeremy Grey: No! No! We did not have a moment at the dinner table, Todd!
I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger.Cal Naughton, Jr.
Oh Ron, there are literally thousands of other men that I should be with instead, but I am 72 percent sure that I love you.Veronica Corningstone
Miranda Hobbes: [at a bar, drinking Cosmopolitans] Why did we ever stop drinking these?
Bradshaw: Because everyone else started!
If you're lying to me, I'll be back!Julius Benedict