I'll tell you what. Why don't we take all these bricks and build a shelter for the homeless, so maybe your mother will have a place to stay.

Billy Hoyle

Leo: [to Ulla] We might have a position for you.
Max: Actually, we might have several positions for you.

Do you like it when I eat your penguin ass?


Hoover: Will you tell those assholes to shut up?
Boon: Hey! Shut up you assholes!

You better hit those bunks my little babies, or Sergeant Hulka with the BIG TOE is gonna see how far he can stick it up your ass.

Sergeant Hulka

Lena: How do you say "lost pants" in Greek?
Yia Yia: Greek girls do not lose their pants!

Steve Zissou: Anne-Marie, do all the interns get Glocks?
Anne-Marie Sakowitz: No, they all share one.

Oh God, I'm a dead man.


Your watch is stuck in my pubes.

Deputy Trudy Wiegel

Nick: You look like a turtle crawled out of his shell.
Lou: You look like an egg gave birth to another egg.
Nick: You look like Gandalf the poor.
Lou: You look like the least-popular kid in the cancer ward.
Nick: You look like you've never made a correct decision.
Jacob: Ever
Lou: I have definitely given a back alley b***job.
Jacob: I gotta admit. I kind of like this.
Nick: You look like Billy Zane's d***.

Don't you say a fucking word.

Tucker McElroy

E.B.: Dad, I wanna drum in a band. I wanna see the world.
EB Dad: EB, the Easter bunny sees the world all in one night.
E.B.: oh, Really dad? What about China?
EB Dad: (Remembers being thrown out in China) Right, so we haven't cracked China yet.
E.B.: Don't wanna be the Easter bunny.
EB Dad: 4000 years of tradition doesn't end just because one selfish bunny doesn't feel like doing it!

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