Favorite Comedy Quotes
Vincent Benedict: You're a virgin!
Julius Benedict: That's private.
Vincent Benedict: A 230-pound virgin!
Julius Benedict: My name is Julius and I am your twin brother.
Vincent Benedict: Oh, obviously! The moment I sat down I thought I was looking into a mirror.
Vincent Benedict: [impressed with Julius's fighting abilities] You could be a boxer or something. I could be your manager.
Julius Benedict: No, I could never fight for money.
Vincent Benedict: Well that's fine. You fight, I'll keep the money.
Julius Benedict: Actually, I hate violence. Vincent Benedict: But you're so good at it!
I don't know what the problem is, but I'm sure it can be solved without resorting to violence.Julius Benedict
Female Neighbor: Excuse me? Excuse me. Never sleep with that man, never loan him money, and never believe a word he tells you. That's free advice.
Vincent Benedict: Morning, Agnes.
You know, kindergarten is like the ocean. You don't want to turn your back on it.Joyce
Joseph: [to Phoebe] Boys have a penis, and girls have a vagina.
Phoebe: [to Kimble] Well, I see you've covered the basics.
We're going to play a wonderful game called... "Who is my daddy and what does he do?"Detective John Kimble
[in unison] Our mom says our dad is a real sex machine.Rina, Tina
My dad's a gynecologist. He looks at vaginas all day long.Joseph
Detective John Kimble: I have a headache. Lowell: It might be a tumor.
Detective John Kimble: It's not a tumor! It's not a tumor. At all!