This is my life, Dad, this is it. I spent 26 years waiting for something else to start, so, no, I don't think it's too much to take on, because it's everything there is. I see now it's all of it. You and I are gonna be OK, you know that, right? We may not be as happy as you always dreamed we would be, but for the first time let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is we are and that will be better. OK? I think that will be better.

Andrew Largeman

Pinto: Before we go any further, there's something I have to tell you. I lied to you. I've never done this before.
Clorette De Pasto: You've never made out with a girl before?
Pinto: No. No, I mean, I've never done what I think we're gonna do. I sort of did once, but i was...
Clorette De Pasto: That's okay, Larry. Neither have I. And besides, I lied to you, too.
Pinto: Oh, yeah? What about?
Clorette De Pasto: I'm only 13.

Marianne, can you play something else? Mamma has been weeping since breakfast. I meant something less mournful dearest.

Elinor Dashwood

I want what any princess wants - to live happily ever after... with the *ogre* I married.

Princess Fiona

Ned Nederlander: Tell us we will die like dogs.
El Guapo: Eh?
Ned Nederlander: Tell us we will die like dogs.
El Guapo: You *will* die like dogs.

Out of all the Korean liquor stores, why did my dad have to walk into that one?

Ling Ling

George: Drive carefully. And don't forget to fasten your condom.
Annie: Dad!
George: [shrieks in embarrassment] Seat belt! I meant, I meant seat belt.

Bertram Pincus: I was dead and now they brought me back. I can..I can..
Frank Herlihy: The dead have a lot of unfinished business, which is why we're still here.

Matthew: Do you have the fever?
Klitz: No. Why? Do you?
Matthew: I don't know. Maybe.
[turns to Eli]
Matthew: How 'bout you?
Eli: I just gotta fuck something.

Stu Price: We don't want to call attention to ourselves!
Phil Wenneck: [while driving a squad car on the sidewalk and using the loudspeaker] Attention! Attention!

Free cable is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

Chip Douglas

Andy: I can't tell... if it's an "A sharp" or if it's a "B flat"!
Mikey: Heh, if you hit the wrong note, we'll all "B flat!"

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