Favorite Comedy Quotes
[about Glaunt] It's amazing how he fell perfectly into the drawing on the floor.Inspector Jacques Clouseau
Cartman: I bet him he couldn't do it. I bet him a hundred dollars.
Kyle: It's not your fault, Cartman.
Cartman: Dude, I know, I'm just fuckin' stoked I don't have to pay him.
Kyle: Oh, that's real nice! He was your friend, you fat fuck!
[leaving a message on his girlfriend's phone] I think we both said some things we didn't mean, like...when you broke up with me...on my b-day.Nick
We'll just tell your mother that... we ate it all.Jim's Dad
No refunds, consider your refund escaping this death trap with your lives!Jackie Moon
Buddy: Well, if you're Santa, what song did I sing for you on your birthday this year?
Gimbel's Santa: Um, Happy Birthday of course. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. How old are you son?
Kid with Santa: Four.
Gimbel's Santa: You're a big boy. What's your name?
Kid with Santa: Paul.
Gimbel's Santa: Now what can I get you for Christmas?
Buddy: Don't tell him what you want, he's a liar.
Kat Stratford: You're not surrounded by your usual cloud of smoke.
Patrick: I know, I quit. Apparently they're bad for you.
Kat Stratford: You think?
Everyone keeps talking about my accent, but I'm from America!Bucky Larson
Thank you Clitoris!Stan
Freddy Benson: I didn't steal any money! She just saw me with another woman! You're French, you understand that!
Inspector Andre: To be with another woman, that is French. To be caught, that is American.
Yeah, right. Yup, I'm a homo. Yeah. Yeah. Just make up whatever you want and that's what happened. Okay? Write out my gay confession and I'll sign it. Okay? Just stop pushing me all the time. You're an infant, Jack. This is all a big party for you... but not for me.Miles Raymond
Max Reede: Is wrestling real?
Fletcher: In the Olympics, yes. On channel 23, no.