You're not a standup guy today, Pat!

Tiffany

I don't have an iPod. I don't have a phone. They don't let me make calls. I'm going to call Nikki.

Pat

Mom, can we stop at the library? I want to read Nikki's entire high school syllabus.

Pat

Nikki's waiting for me to get in shape and get my life back together. Then we're going to be together.

Pat

Todd Cleary: We had a moment at the dinner table didn't we?
Jeremy Grey: No! No! We did not have a moment at the dinner table, Todd!

I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger.

Cal Naughton, Jr.

Oh Ron, there are literally thousands of other men that I should be with instead, but I am 72 percent sure that I love you.

Veronica Corningstone

Miranda Hobbes: [at a bar, drinking Cosmopolitans] Why did we ever stop drinking these?
Bradshaw: Because everyone else started!

If you're lying to me, I'll be back!

Julius Benedict

Vincent Benedict: Money talks and bullshit walks!
Julius Benedict: How can bullshit walk?

Vincent Benedict: You're a virgin!
Julius Benedict: That's private.
Vincent Benedict: A 230-pound virgin!

Julius Benedict: My name is Julius and I am your twin brother.
Vincent Benedict: Oh, obviously! The moment I sat down I thought I was looking into a mirror.

FREE Movie Newsletter