Favorite Comedy Quotes
You're not a standup guy today, Pat!Tiffany
I don't have an iPod. I don't have a phone. They don't let me make calls. I'm going to call Nikki.Pat
Mom, can we stop at the library? I want to read Nikki's entire high school syllabus.Pat
Nikki's waiting for me to get in shape and get my life back together. Then we're going to be together.Pat
Todd Cleary: We had a moment at the dinner table didn't we?
Jeremy Grey: No! No! We did not have a moment at the dinner table, Todd!
I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger.Cal Naughton, Jr.
Oh Ron, there are literally thousands of other men that I should be with instead, but I am 72 percent sure that I love you.Veronica Corningstone
Miranda Hobbes: [at a bar, drinking Cosmopolitans] Why did we ever stop drinking these?
Bradshaw: Because everyone else started!
If you're lying to me, I'll be back!Julius Benedict
Vincent Benedict: Money talks and bullshit walks!
Julius Benedict: How can bullshit walk?
Vincent Benedict: You're a virgin!
Julius Benedict: That's private.
Vincent Benedict: A 230-pound virgin!
Julius Benedict: My name is Julius and I am your twin brother.
Vincent Benedict: Oh, obviously! The moment I sat down I thought I was looking into a mirror.