Favorite Comedy Quotes
Cal: [to Andy about telling Trish he's a virgin] Yeah, you should definitely tell her, because I saw this movie called "Liar Liar" and the message was, "*Don't* lie."
[pause]
Cal: And that was a smart movie.
Andy. Have you ever heard of the term... 'Fuck Buddy?'
Paula
Andy Stitzer: Well, if you loved her so much, why did you cheat on her?
Jay: [sobbing violently] Because! Duh! I'm insecure! Can't you tell?
Shakari... the source... Heaven... Eden... call it what you will. The Klingons call it "Kuitu". For Romulans it's "Vortavor". The Andorian word is... is unpronouncable.
Sybok
Kirk: What is this power you have to control the minds of my crew?
ybok: I don't control minds. I free them.
Damn it, Bones, you're a doctor. You know that pain and guilt can't be taken away with a wave of a magic wand. They're the things we carry with us, the things that make us who we are. If we lose them, we lose ourselves. I don't want my pain taken away! I need my pain!
Kirk
I've always known I'll die alone.
Kirk
Spock: He reminds me of someone I knew in my youth.
Bones: Why, Spock, I didn't know you had one.
Excuse me... Excuse me... I just wanted to ask a question. What does God need with a starship?
Kirk
Please Captain, not in front of the Klingons.
Spock
USS Enterprise, shakedown crew's report. I think this new ship was put together by monkeys. Oh, she's got a fine engine, but half the doors won't open, and guess whose job it is to make it right.
Scotty
I miss my old chair.
Kirk
