Favorite Comedy Quotes
Satan: You have spilled the blood of the innocent. Now begins two million years of Darkness.
Chef: Oh, good job Mrs. Broslofski. Thanks a lot!
You blew it. Whoo, you blew it, man. You did not want to cut his hair off, trust me.Roy O'Bannon
I don't know if we should be doing anything too official.Evan
Andy: You French great.
Lindsay: You're not so bad yourself, Mr. Man.
Fred Claus: Love's complicated.
Willie: It hurts.
King Arthur: Look, you stupid Bastard. You've got no arms left.
Black Knight: Yes I have.
King Arthur: Look!
Black Knight: It's just a flesh wound.
Barf: I know we need the money, but...
Lone Starr: Listen! We're not just doing this for money... We're doing it for a SHIT LOAD of money!
Barf: Oh, you're right. And when you're right, you're right. And you - you're always right.
Carl Showalter: Alright Jerry, I'm through fucking around. You got the fucking money?
Jerry Lundegaard: Yeah, I got the money, but... uh...
Carl Showalter: Don't you fucking fuck me, Jerry. I want you to get this money to the Dayton Radisson, top level, in 30 minutes, Jerry, we wrap this thing up.
Jerry Lundegaard: Yeah, but...
Carl Showalter: Hey, you're there in 30 minutes Jerry or I find you Jerry and I shoot you and I shoot your fucking wife and I shoot all your fucking children and I shoot them all in the back of their little fucking heads, you got it?
Jerry Lundegaard: Okay, now you stay away from Scotty now.
Carl Showalter: Got it?
I will be watching you and if I find that you are trying to corrupt my first born child, I will bring you down, baby. I will bring you down to Chinatown.Jack Byrnes
For God's sake, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a pool man!Ace Ventura
Dewey Finn: Ok, here's the deal. I have a hangover. Who knows what that means?
Frankie: Doesn't that mean you're drunk?
Dewey Finn: No. It means I was drunk yesterday.
Freddy: It means you're an alcoholic.
Dewey Finn: Wrong.
Freddy: You wouldn't come to work with a hangover unless you were an alcoholic. Dude, you got a disease!
Dewey Finn: Hmmm... hmmm... What's your name?
Freddy: Freddy Jones.
Dewey Finn: Ok, Freddy Jones, shut up!
J.D.: Die, replacement-friends!
Wayne: Eat this, Fake Wayne!