Favorite Comedy Quotes
[large flaming debris slams into the back window of James' car]
Ben: It’s probably still driveable though, because it happened in the back.
[the car explodes]
Ben: You can’t drive it now.
Elizabeth Halsey: Sign my yearbook.
Russell Gettis: Hold my ball sack.
Shawn: LeBron is a better rebounder and passer.
Russell Gettis: LeBron will never beat Jordan. Call me when LeBron has six championships.
Shawn: That's your only argument?
Russell Gettis: It's the only argument I need Shawn!
Russell Gettis: That was a nice thing you did for him.
Elizabeth Halsey: He was going through a difficult time.
Russell Gettis: I am going through a difficult time. May I have your panties?
Elizabeth Halsey: I'm not wearing any.
Hello titties.Elizabeth Halsey
I have received a call from Mark's dad saying the car wash was a success, and then I got a call from Chase's dad about the car wash being a great success, and then a call from Danni's dad saying we should have a car wash every weekend. So whatever she did, worked.Principal Wally Snur
I tell you what I know. A kid who wears the same gymnastics sweatshirt three days a week isn't getting laid until he's 29. that's what I know.Elizabeth Halsey
Did you know I walked in on him trying to fuck his dog? Peanut butter everywhere.Elizabeth Halsey
[as she is being dragged away] You can check my urine! CHECK MY URINE! CHECK MY URINE!Amy Squirrel
If the younger generation doesn't get into opera, then, guess what? No more opera! An art form has died. If opera goes away, we're fucked!Mark
Shut the front door.Amy Squirrel
[slurred] I'm gonna rock your vagina.Carl Halabi