Favorite Comedy Quotes
Doc: So, what's new Eddie? Anything exciting?
Eddie Cantrow: Ah, yeah, we just got those new Nike Sasquatch drivers in the store, so that's been kind of cool.
Doc: Let me rephrase the question. You been crushin' any pussy?
Janis: That one there, that's Karen Smith. She is one of the dumbest girls you will ever meet. Damien sat next to her in English last year.
Damian: She asked me how to spell orange.
I love that word "relationship." Covers all manner of sins, doesn't it? I fear that this has become a bad relationship. A relationship based on the President taking exactly what he wants and casually ignoring all those things that really matter to, erm... Britain. We may be a small country but we're a great one, too. The country of Shakespeare, Churchill, the Beatles, Sean Connery, Harry Potter. David Beckham's right foot. David Beckham's left foot, come to that. And a friend who bullies us is no longer a friend. And since bullies only respond to strength, from now onward, I will be prepared to be much stronger. And the President should be prepared for that.Prime Minister
[after being tortured by weed whacker] Who brings a weed wacker on a boat?Drug Lord's First Hostage
There's rightness in our wrongness.Dan Burns
Yea, I completely agree with you. You know, an art teacher of mine once said. Never buy a piece of art that you don't have to have. You know, don't worry about who the artist is or how much it's worth. I mean, you have to live with it everyday. You have to walk by it everyday. You have to really love it; you have to really appreciate it. It's kind of like picking a mate.Brooke
Kid #3: My Mommy says smoking kills.
Nick Naylor: Oh, is your Mommy a doctor?
Kid #3: No.
Nick Naylor: A scientific researcher of some kind?
Kid #3: No.
Nick Naylor: Well then she's hardly a credible expert, is she?
[in Peter's dream] Can you move a little to the left? Oooooh. Yeah, that's it, greeeeeeat.Bill Lumbergh
Judge Smails: You know, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. I mean, he's been club champion for three years running and I'm no slouch myself.
Ty Webb: Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're a tremendous slouch.
Nacho: Do you remember when everyone was shouting my name, and I used my strength to rip my blouse.
Esqueleto: Yea, and I saw them knock you unconscious, ok?
John Bender: Well, Brian, this is a very nutritious lunch. All the food groups are represented. Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?
Brian Johnson: Uh, no. Mr. Johnson.
Can you two stop (expletive) with the Korean Jesus!Captain Dickson