Favorite Comedy Quotes
No, Farva, you are under arrest for being a complete and total fuckhead.Mac
Foster: How you feelin' there, Mac?
Mac: Good enough... to fuck... your mother.
Lynn Wells: Oh, what a bunch of bullshit! I have a much better body than she does!
[everyone in the library turns to look]
Jake Taylor: She's right.
Sweet balls!Shelley Darlingson
Frank: [recounting his suicide attempt] But he went and fell in love with a colleague of mine; Larry Sugarman, the number 2 expert on Marcel Proust in America.
Richard: Who's number 1?
Frank: That would be me, Richard.
Ling Ling, you forgot your bling bling.Korean Mother
Cal: That's a good looking grandma! My grandma looks like Jack Palance.
Andy Stitzer: Well, she's no Jack Palance.
Cal: No. If Jack Palance looked like that lady I would want to fuck Jack Palance right now.
Walter Stratford: Where's your sister going?
Kat Stratford: She's meeting some bikers. Big ones. Full of sperm.
Walter Stratford: Funny.
Reverend Frank: I'm gonna have to heal you. We have got to pray! We have got to pray! We have got to pray to make it through the day!
Ben Murphy: Was that M.C. Hammer?
Yea, I completely agree with you. You know, an art teacher of mine once said. Never buy a piece of art that you don't have to have. You know, don't worry about who the artist is or how much it's worth. I mean, you have to live with it everyday. You have to walk by it everyday. You have to really love it; you have to really appreciate it. It's kind of like picking a mate.Brooke
I'll be in the neighborhood later on, and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to get some frozen yogurt, or perhaps a whole meal of food, if that would be agreeable. Damnit.Frank
Maude Lebowski: Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude: Uh, is that what this is a picture of?
Maude Lebowski: In a sense, yes. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.
The Dude: Oh yeah?
Maude Lebowski: Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.
The Dude: Johnson?