Favorite Comedy Quotes
Teddy Sanders: You make the store more approachable.
Mac Radner: Like, I'm more of an attainable goal?
Teddy Sanders: Yeah, you're like Relaxed Fit.
Jimmy: Let's make a baby!
Paula: Yes, that will solve all our problems.
Hey, dude, you really shouldn't drink and horse.Edward
Edward: This is my first vagina.
Ruth: You've never seen one!
Edward: No I feel like I should have a piece of cake or something.
Edward: it's uhh it's it's that, right?
Ruth: Oh yeah, it's this, its like from here to here.
Ruth: But this is just the outside, there's these folds.
Edward: Okay, i'm gonna close the bible now.
[after shooting someone] people die at the fair.Gunman at Fair in Final Scene
Clinch: Where did you learn to shoot?
Albert: Your wife.
Edward: Oh, snap!
My worst fear is to OD on a recreational drug.Albert
You know what else can kill you? Doctors!Albert
Captain Dickson: We Jump Street, and we 'bout to jump in yo ass.
Schmidt: Right in the crack.
Jenko: Oh, hey, look, there's Korean Jesus.
Captain Dickson: It's Vietnamese Jesus now, you racist motherfucker.
Jenko to banditJenko
Schmidt: [after Mr. Walters mimicked him mockingly] I don't sound like that.
Mr. Walters: Eric! Close your eyes and tell me who's talking!
Eric Molson: [eyes closed] Ugh, Schmidt bein' a little bitch.