Favorite Comedy Quotes
They hate us, ‘cause they ain’t us.David Skywalk
Sugar: Been waiting long?
Junior: [gallantly] It's not how long you wait, it's who you're waiting for!
[in awe] Great Gatsby!Amelia Earhart
Topper Harley: So... I guess you've been with a man before...
Ramada Thompson: I'm a virgin. I'm just not very good at it.
Nacho: These are my recreation clothes.
Sister EncarnaciÃ³n: They look expensive.
Nacho: Thank you.
Scotty Brennen: See that girl over there in the red? Say "hi" to her and she's yours. She'll have her legs around you so tight you'll be begging for mercy.
Josh: Well, I'll stay away from her, then.
Jake: Uh, Bob, about the money for tonight.
Bob: Oh, yeah... That's $200, and you boys drank $300 worth of beer.
Archie: You're going to shoot me?
Otto: [in a pompous, English accent] Yep, 'fraid so, ol' chap! Sorry!
Brandon Wheeger: I just wanted to tell you that I thought a lot about what you said.
Jason Nesmith: It's okay, now listen...
Brandon Wheeger: But I want you to know that I'm not a complete brain case, okay? I understand completely that it's just a TV show. I know there's no beryllium sphere...
Jason Nesmith: Hold it.
Brandon Wheeger: no digital conveyor, no ship...
Jason Nesmith: Stop for a second, stop. It's all real.
Brandon Wheeger: Oh my God, I knew it. I knew it! I knew it!
[after hearing Brennan sing] You have the voice of an angel. I mean, it's like Fergie meets Jesus.Dale Doback
God, I just wanna bang hot chicks!Eli
So she's kinda fucking cute. Let her touch your penis.Kumar