Favorite Comedy Quotes
Rufus: He still digs humanity, but it bothers Him to see the shit that gets carried out in His name - wars, bigotry, televangelism. But especially the factioning of all the religions. He said humanity took a good idea and, like always, built a belief structure on it.
Bethany: Having beliefs isn't good?
Rufus: I think it's better to have ideas. You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier. Life should malleable and progressive; working from idea to idea permits that. Beliefs anchor you to certain points and limit growth; new ideas can't generate. Life becomes stagnant.
Rusty Ryan: Are you alright?
Danny Ocean: Yeh, um, I just bit into a red pepper.
Rusty Ryan: Is that... are you... are you watching Oprah?
The Dude: What's in the fuckin' carrier?
Walter Sobchak: Huh? Oh, that's Cynthia's dog. I think it's a Pomeranian. I can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. I'm watching him while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii.
The Dude: You brought the fuckin' Pomeranian bowling?
Walter Sobchak: What do you mean brought it bowling, Dude? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not taking your fucking turn, Dude.
The Dude: Man, if my fuckin' ex-wife asked me to take care of her fuckin' dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu I'd tell her to go fuck herself.
I know you don't smoke weed, I know this; but I'm gonna get you high today, 'cause it's Friday; you ain't got no job... and you ain't got shit to do.Smokey
Cheer up, Ed. This is not goodbye. It's just I won't ever see you again.Frank Drebin
Let me just say that if God was a city planner he would not put a playground next to a sewage system!Darald
Sometimes, when I get nervous, I stick my hands under my armpits and than I smell them like this!Mary Katherine Gallagher
We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, laughers, screamers... Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get into locked a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge, and I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon.Raoul Duke
We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all.Andrew
Fuck, I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger!Phil Wenneck
Inigo Montoya: Offer me money!
Count Rugen: Yes.
Inigo Montoya: Power too, promise me that!
Count Rugen: All that I have and more. Please.
Inigo Montoya: Offer me everything I ask for.
Count Rugen: Anything you want.
Inigo Montoya: I want my father back you son of a bitch.
Turk Malloy: Are you in yet?
Virgil Malloy: I hate that question