Favorite Comedy Quotes
Topper Harley: Colonel, who are they?
Col. Denton Walters: She's CIA. The other man's an extra.
I feel like I just found out my favorite love song was written about a sandwich.Jane
Billy Madison: [shouting] Where's my snack pack?
Juanita: You got a banana, you don't need no snack pack.
Cady: Look, I'm really sorry about the bus. I feel like it's all my fault.
Regina: Stopping making this about you. I'm the one that got hit by the bus.
Cady: I'm really sorry about all the other stuff too.
Regina: Okay, I'm going to forgive you because I'm a very Zen person... and I'm on a lot of pain medication right now.
Pedro: Aren't you pretty good at drawing, like, animals and warriors and stuff?
Napoleon Dynamite: Yes. Probably the best that I know of.
Karen: Ma'am, do you have this in the next size up?
Saleslady: Sorry, we only carry sizes 1, 3, and 5. You could try Sears.
There's rightness in our wrongness.Dan Burns
Bruno: Drill Sergeant: Your finger's in my alley.
BrÃ¼no: Not yet.
Lou [shouting from a rooftop to the '80s teenagers below]: "Hey, John Lennon gets shot!...
[To himself:] Wait, did that happen yet?"
Nacho: Do you remember when everyone was shouting my name, and I used my strength to rip my blouse.
Esqueleto: Yea, and I saw them knock you unconscious, ok?
Chip Heron: Hey, how was school?
Betsy Heron: Were people nice?
Chip Heron: Did you make any friends?
I've got a prostate the size of a honeydew and a head full of bad memories.Maury Ballstein