There are two kinds of people in this world, winners and losers.


Gus Portokalos: [crying] Why you want to leave me?
Toula Portokalos: I'm not leaving you! Don't you want me to do something with my life?
Gus Portokalos: Yes! Get married, make babies! You look so... old!

Osgood: You must be quite a girl.
Daphne: Wanna bet?

You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.


[to his parol officer] I broke down, I went and smoked with the kid that lives across the street from me.


Taggart: I got it! I know how we can run everyone out of Rock Ridge.
Hedley Lamarr: How?
Taggart: We'll kill the first born male child in every household.
Hedley Lamarr: ...Too Jewish.

What did I tell you the first time we met? I'm a Niners fan!


Carl Showalter: The fuck happened to her?
Gaear Grimsrud: Eh, she started shrieking, you know.

Amelia Earhart: Do you know why I became a pilot?
Larry Daley: I have no idea.
Amelia Earhart: For the fun of it. Why else would anyone do anything?

Vincent Benedict: You're a virgin!
Julius Benedict: That's private.
Vincent Benedict: A 230-pound virgin!

[singing at an old folks home in Miami] Bubbe made a kishke, she made it big and fat, My Zaydeh took one look at it and said "I can't eat that!' ... Oh Bubbe, Bubbe, Bubbe, Oh Bubbe me oh myyyyyyyy...

Dr. Pearl

Here lies David St. Hubbins... and why not?

David St. Hubbins

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