Come back here, so that I may brain thee!

Chip Douglas

Wake up lil snoozy! Smell the smelling salts!

Chip Douglas

Chip Douglas: Here is a comment card. Please mail it in when I am done.
Steven Kovacs: Does this go to your boss?
Chip Douglas: No it goes to me, I'm sort of a perfectionis... perfectionis... t.

Chip Douglas: Call it one guy doing another guy a solid.
Steven Kovacs: That is so nice!
Chip Douglas: Well you're a nice guy! You'd be surprised how many customers treat me like snot, like I'm a goddamn plumber or somethin'.

What a place for an ending, huh? It's like that movie 'Goldeneye'!

Chip Douglas

I love this game!

The Cable Guy

Hey, Rick! I never made a slam dunk before. Thanks for the boost.

The Cable Guy

Champ Kind: I believe in two things: Chicken, and that the census is a way for the UN to make your children gay.

Freddie Shapp: We're starting a 24-hour news channel and we want you.
Ron Burgundy: I'm going to do the thing that god put Ron Burgundy on this earth to do, have salon-quality hair and read the news.

Ron Burgundy: You're not black or Asian.
GNN Reporter: I'm gay.
Champ Kind: Do you sleep in a coffin?
GNN Reporter: No, that’s vampires.
Brian Fantana: Are you allowed to be out in the sun?
GNN Reporter: Those are also vampires.
Brick Tamland: Are you a vampire?

Ron Burgundy: I don't read Jet magazine or uh Jheri Curl Daily.
Linda Jackson: What are you doing?!
Ron Burgundy: I’m breaking down the barriers of race by assimilation and on that note, which one of you convicts with the longest record can pass me the mash potatoes?

Jack Lime: Welcome to the station. Just wondering what time you feed that mustache.
Ron Burgundy: Maybe I’ll feed it a ham sandwich.
Jack Lime: Hey don't make jokes off my jokes!

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