Favorite Comedy Quotes
Stacy: Happy anniversary, Wayne.
Wayne Campbell: Stacy, we broke up two months ago.
Stacy: Well, that doesn't mean we can't still go out, does it?
Wayne Campbell: Well, it does actually, that's what breaking up is.
Frau Farbissina: Remember when we froze your semen? You said that if it didn't look like you were coming back we should try to create an heir so a part of you would live forever?
Dr. Evil: Oh sure.
Frau Farbissina: Well, after a couple of years we got a little... impatient. Dr Evil, I would like you to meet your son.
Dr. Evil: My son?
Frau Farbissina: Ja. SCOTT!
Dr. Evil: Hello Scott.
Scott Evil: Hi.
Dr. Evil: I'm your father. Dr Evil.
Scott Evil: I haven't seen you my whole life and now you just show up and *expect* a relationship? I hate you. What?
Dr. Evil: Can I have a hug?
Scott Evil: No.
Dr. Evil: Give me a hug.
Scott Evil: No way.
Your fans never left you! The world hasn't forgotten!Walter
When are you people going to learn? It's not about who's right or wrong. No denomination's nailed it yet, and they never will because they're all too self-righteous to realize that it doesn't matter what you have faith in, just that you have faith. Your hearts are in the right place, but your brains need to wake up.Serendipity
Dionne: Phat! Did you write that?
Cher: Duh. It's like a famous quote.
Dionne: From where?
Cher: Cliff's Notes.
Ned: Phil? Phil Connors? Phil Connors, I thought that was you!
Phil: Hi, thanks for watching.
Ned: Hey now, don't you tell me you don't remember me 'cause I sure as heckfire remember you!
Phil: Not a chance.
Ned: Ned... Ryerson!
Miranda: Ummm that was incredible. Was it good for you?
Fletcher: I've had better.
Hey, Sydney! I could be in Venice by five. I could do that.Peter
Rita: Have you ever had dÃ©jÃ -vu?
Phil: Didn't you just ask me that?
Lou Harris: You wanna piss with me?
Jack Ryan: I don't even understand what you're saying. Do I wanna piss with you?
You can put your weed in there.Bongo Player
Bethany: You were martyred?
Rufus: That's one way of putting it. Another way of putting it would be to say that I was bludgeoned to death by huge fucking rocks.