Favorite Comedy Quotes
And furthermore, by way of endorsing my candidacy, the Soggy Bottom Boys are gonna lead us all in a rousing chorus of "You Are My Sunshine."Pappy O'Daniel
Jack: [Stephanie pours Jack and Miles full glasses of sample wine] Oh, Stephanie, you bad girl.
Stephanie: I know, I need to be spanked.
Jack Fuller: How hard can it be?
Joy McNally: I know how hard it isn't.
I hate to say this, but this place is getting to me. I think I'm getting the fear.Dr. Gonzo
Commanderette Zircon: Shall I have Snotty beam you down, sir?
President Skroob: I don't know about this beaming stuff? Is it safe?
Commanderette Zircon: Oh yes, sir. Snotty beamed me twice last night. It was wonderful.
Bridget Vreeland: You fix your own car?
Greta: Cars are easy- it's people you need a manuel for.
The review for "Shark Sandwich" was merely a two word review which simply read "Shit Sandwich".Marty DiBergi
Chuck Levine: What do you got?
Larry Valentine: Maxi Pads.
Chuck Levine: What, do we have vaginas now? Put it back!
If that girl's not careful, she's gonna wind up on the business end of my dick.Jack Ryan
There are a lot of things in my life that I thought were real and ended up being fake. Why can't the opposite be true?Monica
Father Ritley: Marym Katherine, what was that horrible thing you said to Sister Eileen?
Mary Katherine Gallagher: I told her to move her big white butt or I would cold cock her honky ass
Kat Stratford: You are amazingly self-assured, has anyone ever told you that?
Patrick: I tell myself that every day, actually.