Favorite Comedy Quotes
Damn, why am I tripping on shit I know is there?Marcus Burnett
Stake-out crook: Watching the place was my first gig.
Detective Sanchez: Oh, so does that make you union?
Marcus Burnett: [to Mike] I'm not understanding, I - I really don't.
Store Clerk: [pointing gun at Marcus] Shut up!
Marcus Burnett: I mean, do you just attract violence?
My shit always works sometimes!Mike Lowrey
He steals our shit, kidnaps Julie, shoots at my wife. Oh, we beatin' him down. We beatin' him DOWN!Marcus Burnett
Marcus, I just have one question for ya bro. How the hell you gonna leave my ass at a gun fight to go get the car!Mike Lowrey
Marcus Burnett: You see what happens when you go off without me? You get into shit.
Mike Lowrey: Oh please, like shit don't happen when you're there.
Marcus Burnett: That - that ain't the point...
Marcus Burnett: You made me think you were gonna shoot me for a minute.
Mike Lowrey: I was.
Mike Lowrey: Everybody wants to be like Mike.
Captain Howard: Yeah, and you're gonna be retired like him too.
[after Marcus outruns Fochet at the airport] Now that's how you s'pose to drive. From now on, that's how you drive!Mike Lowrey
Mike Lowrey: [Howard is yelling at Burnett for having a shootout outside a hotel] I haven't killed anyone today, yet, Captain...
Captain Howard: Hey, do you want me to yell at you? Cause I can do that!
Clark: I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. You're gonna have fun, and I'm gonna have fun... We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we're gonna need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of your assholes! I must be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit!
Rusty Griswold: [Grabs Clark's shoulder] Dad, you want an aspirin?
Clark: Don't touch!