Favorite Comedy Quotes
Ronnie Barnhardt: Are you all right?
Brandi: Physically yes, but psychologically? No!
Just put that anywhere, pal! Yeah! Good save!Diner Patron
[to Bob Barker] The price is wrong, bitch.Happy Gilmore
Kumar: How were Katie Holmes' tits?
Goldstein: You know the Holocaust?
Goldstein: Picture the opposite of that!
Hey man I can be your Doug!Black Doug
Crush: Dude? Dude? Focus dude... Dude?
Marlin: [wakes up]
Crush: Oh, he lives. Hey, dude!
Marlin: Oh... What happened?
Crush: Saw the whole thing, dude. First you were all like "whoa." And we were like "whoa" ... and you were like "whoa...â€
Marlin: What are you talking about?
Do you have any ideas how many Air Jordans six black kids wear?Sergio Roma
John Beckwith: "I never thought my sister would meet someone who cared about what other people thought as much as she did until I met Craig?"
Claire Cleary: Yes, it's funny. It's funny because it's true.
John Beckwith: I know, but the funny because it's true bit only works if the truth is a very small thing like "everyone knows Jennifer likes to shop, ha ha ha". Honestly, I think you're better off going for something from the heart.
Claire Cleary: I think people are going to love this.
John Beckwith: I think you're going to hear crickets.
Claire Cleary: No.
John Beckwith: Sounds of silence.
Claire Cleary: Uh uh.
John Beckwith: Ok, meet me at the back of the room, I'll be the guy waiting to say I told you so.
Walter Sobchak: Those rich fucks! This whole fucking thing... I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this fucking strumpet...
The Dude: I don't see any connection to Vietnam, Walter.
Walter Sobchak: Well, there isn't a literal connection, Dude.
The Dude: Walter, face it, there isn't any connection.
Little Rock: Who's Bill Murray?
Tallahassee: Alright, I've never hit a kid before. I mean that's like asking who Gandhi is.
Little Rock: Who's Gandhi?
Brian: You don't need to put your P in a V right now.
Peter Bretter: No, I need to B my L on someone's T's.
Murray: Your man Christian is a cake boy!
Cher, Dionne: A what?
Murray: He's a disco-dancing, Oscar Wilde reading, Streissand ticket holding friend of Dorothy, know what I'm saying?
Cher: Uh-uh, no way, not even!
Murray: Yes even, he's gay!
Dionne: He does like to shop, Cher. And the boy can dress.