Favorite Comedy Quotes
The Dude: These are, uh...
Brandt: Oh, those are Mr Lebowski's children, so to speak.
The Dude: Different mothers, huh?
The Dude: Racially he's pretty cool?
Brandt: [laughs] They're not literally his children. They're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers - inner city children of promise but without the necessary means for a - necessary means for a higher education. So Mr Lebowski is committed to sending all of them to college.
The Dude: Well, they finally did it. They killed my fucking car.
Nihilist: Ve vant ze money, Lebowski.
Nihilist #2: Ja, uzzervize ve kill ze girl.
Nihilist #3: Ja, it seems you have forgotten our little deal, Lebowski.
The Dude: You don't HAVE the fucking girl, dipshits! We know you never did!
The Dude: Hey, cool it Walter. Look, pal, there never was any money. The big Lebowski gave me an empty briefcase, so take it up with him, man.
Walter Sobchak: And, I would like my undies back.
[Stunned, the Germans confer amongst themselves again]
Donny: Are they gonna hurt us, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: No, Donny. These men are cowards.
Nihilist: Okay. So we take ze money you haf on you, und ve calls it eefen.
Walter Sobchak: Fuck you.
The Dude: I mean we totally fucked it up man, we fucked up this payoff, we got the kidnappers all mad at us, and Lebowski, ya know, he yelled at me a lot but he didn't do anything, huh?
Walter Sobchak: Well, sometimes, it's a cathartic...
The Dude: No, I'm saying, if he knows I'm a fuck-up, why does he leave me in charge of getting his wife back? Because he doesn't fucking want her back! He no longer digs her, it's all a show! Ok, so then why doesn't he give a shit about his million bucks? I mean, he knows we never handed off the briefcase, but he never asked for it back. The million bucks was never in the briefcase! The asshole was hoping that they would kill her! You threw out a ringer for a ringer!
Walter Sobchak: You have got to buck up, man. You cannot drag this negative energy in to the tournament!
The Dude: Fuck the tournament... Fuck YOU, Walter!
Walter Sobchak: Fuck the tournament? All right, I can see you don't want to be cheered up here, Dude. Come on Donny, let's go get us a lane.
The Dude: Nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man.
Treehorn Thug: Your name's Lebowski, Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny.
The Dude: My... my wi-, my wife, Bunny? Do you see a wedding ring on my finger? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? The toilet seat's up, man!
Brandt: Mr. Lebowski is prepared to make a generous offer to you to act as courier, once we get instructions for the money.
The Dude: Why me, man?
Brandt: He believes the culprits might be the very people who, uh, soiled your rug, and you are in a unique position to confirm or disconfirm that suspicion.
The Dude: He thinks the carpet pissers did this?
Karl Benson: Hey man, I thought you killed yourself.
Andrew Largeman: What?
Karl Benson: I thought you killed yourself. That wasn't you?
Andrew Largeman: No, no, tha-that wasn't me.
This is my life, Dad, this is it. I spent 26 years waiting for something else to start, so, no, I don't think it's too much to take on, because it's everything there is. I see now it's all of it. You and I are gonna be OK, you know that, right? We may not be as happy as you always dreamed we would be, but for the first time let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is we are and that will be better. OK? I think that will be better.Andrew Largeman
Sam: You're in it right now, aren't you?
Andrew Largeman: What?
Sam: My mom always says that, when she can see I'm like working something out in my head, she's like, 'you're in it right now' and I'm looking at you're telling this story, and you're definitely in it.
Someone has been pissing on my Gamecube and I'm about to close the case.Titembay
We'll probably head over there right after we bury your mom.Mark