Favorite Comedy Quotes
Brandon is the sort of man everyone speaks well of, but no one remembers to talk to.John Willoughby
[after Al fix his car] Look at that! You're a goddamn wizard, Al!The Kid
Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa?Heather Chandler
John: He can talk then, can he?
Paul: 'Course he can talk. He's a human being, isn't he?
Ringo: Well if he's your grandfather, who knows! Ha ha ha!
I have received a call from Mark's dad saying the car wash was a success, and then I got a call from Chase's dad about the car wash being a great success, and then a call from Danni's dad saying we should have a car wash every weekend. So whatever she did, worked.Principal Wally Snur
President Merkin Muffley: How is it possible for this thing to be triggered automatically and at the same time impossible to untrigger?
Dr. Strangelove: Mr. President, it is not only possible, it is essential. That is the whole idea of this machine, you know. Deterrence is the art of producing in the mind of the enemy... the FEAR to attack. And so, because of the automated and irrevocable decision-making process which rules out human meddling, the Doomsday machine is terrifying and simple to understand... and completely credible and convincing.
Delmar O'Donnell: The preacher says all my sins is warshed away, including that Piggly Wiggly I knocked over in Yazoo.
Ulysses Everett McGill: I thought you said you was innocent of those charges?
Delmar O'Donnell: Well I was lyin'. And the preacher says that that sin's been warshed away too. Neither God nor man's got nothin' on me now. C'mon in boys, the water is fine.
I want to be your husband and I want you to be my wife... so bad... so... Will you marry me?Jeremy
Doug Madsen: Look, guys, sign at the curve of the road!
Bobby Davis: Madrid.
Woody Stevens: Spain?
Don't be lost when the time comes, for the day of the Lord cometh like a thief in the night.Reverend Cleophus James
Harry Dunne: That's Butthole. I found him out in the alley.
Lloyd Christmas: Why did you name him Butthole?
Harry Dunne: 'Cause of this.
Lloyd Christmas: Good name. Totally fits.
I've always been kind of a pacifist. When I was a kid, my father told me, "Never hit anyone in anger, unless you're absolutely sure you can get away with it." I don't know what kind of soldier I'm gonna make, but I want you guys to know that if we ever get into really heavy combat... I'll be right behind you guys. Every step of the way.Russell Ziskey