Favorite Comedy Quotes
The Kid: You used to be a cheerleader, didn't you?
Purlene Dupre: Yeah, in the fourth fuckin' grade.
The Kid: And your hair's not really blonde, is it?
Purlene Dupre: Yes, it is.
Floatie Dupre: No it's not, her hair's red, she's a redhead, she's got a bright red bush.
The Kid: [At the swimming hole] We're only wearing suits because you're here. Usually we go naked.
Purlene DupreFloatie Dupre: So do we.
The Kid: Well, why don't we all take our suits off, then?
Purlene Dupre: Look, peckerhead, I ain't losin' the goddamned suit.
[after Al tells him that professional wrestling is fake] Uh, Al, I know you must be smart because you have a scientific-style job, but if this shit is fake and everyone knows it's fake, why the hell would anybody waste their time watching it?The Kid
[after Al fix his car] Look at that! You're a goddamn wizard, Al!The Kid
Luvven Coddle: I sense a, a yearning in you. A, a searching, almost, as if you're lost. You've been lost for a long, long time. Am I right? You found Jesus, Al.
Al Fountain: Why? Is he missing?
Harry: Yeah, well, I don't know. These places just don't do it for me.
Lloyd: What's the matter, Har? Some little filly break your heart?
Harry: No, it was a girl.
I'll be honest with you, I love his music, I do, I'm a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, it doesn't get any better than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman."Bob Slydell
Joanna: When did you decide all that?
Peter Gibbons: About an hour ago.
Joanna: An hour ago... so you're gonna get another job?
Peter Gibbons: I don't think I'd like another job.
Joanna: Well, what are you going to do about money and bills and...
Peter Gibbons: You know, I've never really liked paying bills. I don't think I'm gonna do that, either.
Joanna: So what do you wanna do?
Peter Gibbons: First I'm gonna take you out to dinner, and then I'm gonna go back to my apartment and watch kung fu. Do you ever watch kung fu?
Joanna: I love kung fu.
Peter Gibbons: Channel 39.
Peter Gibbons: You should come over and watch kung fu tonight.
Joanna: Ok. Ok. Can we order lunch first? Ok.
[at board meeting] I'd like to move us right to Peter Gibbons. We had a chance to meet this young man, and boy that's just a straight shooter with upper management written all over him.Bob Slydell
Michael Bolton: No, no. If we get caught, we're not going to white-collar resort prison. No, no, no. We're going to federal POUND ME IN THE ASS prison.
Samir: I don't want to go to ANY prison!
Peter Gibbons: Lawrence, you awake?
Peter Gibbons: You wanna come over?
Lawrence: No, thanks, man. Don't want you fucking up my life, too.