Favorite Comedy Quotes
Shrek: Well it's no wonder you don't have any friends.
The Donkey: Wow, only a true friend would be that truely honest.
Donkey: Whoa. Look at that. Who'd wanna live in a place like that?
Shrek: That would be my home.
Donkey: Oh and it is LOVELY. You know, you're really quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a NICE boulder.
Donkey: You, uh... you don't entertain much, do you?
Shrek: I like my privacy.
Donkey: Y'know, me too. That's another thing we have in common. I hate it when you've got someone in your face, you try to give someone a hint and they won't leave, and then there's that big awkward silence...
[big awkward silence ensues]
Donkey: ... Can I stay with you?
Oh, no no no no. Dead broad off the table.Shrek
He hooffed und he poooffed und he... signed an eviction notice.Little Pig
Lord Farquaad: Run, run, run as fast as you can. You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man.
Gingerbread Man: You're a monster.
Lord Farquaad: Tell me where are the others.
Gingerbread Man: Eat me.
Lord Farquaad: Evening. Mirror, mirror, on the wall / Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?
Magic Mirror: Well, technically, you're not a king.
Lord Farquaad: Thelonius?
Magic Mirror: [nervous] Er, I mean you're not a king yet.
[about Snow White] Although she lives with seven other men, she's actually not easy.Magic Mirror
[looking at the huge castle] Do you think he's maybe compensating for something?Shrek
All right, you're going the right way for a smack bottom.Shrek
I just know, before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'.Donkey