Favorite Comedy Quotes
Gertie: I hate you! I hate you! I wish you died, not Mommy!
Ollie: I hate you right back you little shit! You and your mom took my life away from me. I just want it back!
James Carter: Who died, Lee?
James Carter: Detective Yu?
Lee: Not Yu, you!
James Carter: Who?
James Carter: Who?
Lee: Do you understand the words that are a-coming out of my mouth?
James Carter: Don't nobody understand the words that are comin' out of your mouth
Barbara: I don't get it, I mean where all the other dead people in the world?
Adam: Maybe this is heaven.
Barbara: In heaven there wouldn't be dust everywhere.
[reading from a review] This album begs the question "What day did the Lord create Spinal Tap, and couldn't head have rested on that day too?"Marty DiBergi
Ned Plimpton: I'm gonna fight you, Steve.
[Steve hits Ned in the face]
Steve Zissou: You never say, "I'm gonna fight you, Steve." You just smile and act natural, and then you sucker-punch him.
Ned Plimpton: You fight your way, and I'll fight mine.
Steve Zissou: Okay, listen, Ned. Don't you try to...
[Ned hits Steve in the face]
Steve Zissou: I think your Team Zissou ring might've caught me on the lip.
Kelly: If I'm gonna do this payment plan thing, I need a show of good faith, you know, something concrete.
Matthew: Well, like what?
Kelly: A blow job.
Matthew: Nah, I told you. She's not gonna do that anymore.
Kelly: Who said anything about her?
Well, you call those useless, yerk toting, frisbee chucking cheeba monkeys and you tell them you're gonna be an hour late.Droz
Liz: Goodbye, Ed. Love you.
Shaun: I love you too, Ed.
Maurice: Mr. McDowell?
Cleo McDowell: Yes?
Maurice: There's some people here to see you.
Cleo McDowell: They're not from McDonalds are they?
Cleo McDowell: I don't think so.
Oh, it's not the speed really so much, I just wish I hadn't drunk all that cough syrup this morning.John Winger
Feng: "Ping pong or how the Chinese say: ping pong
Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.Cher