Favorite Comedy Quotes
Patriot Lou, he looks like Captain Crunch had sex with Paul Revere.Nick
Austin Powers: Not the time to lose one's head.
Vanessa Kensington: No.
Austin Powers: That's not the way to get ahead in life.
Vanessa Kensington: No.
Austin Powers: It's a shame he wasn't more headstrong.
Vanessa Kensington: Hmm.
Austin Powers: He'll never be the head of a major corporation.
Vanessa Kensington: Okay, that'll do.
Austin Powers: Okay.
Jack Ryan: Are you serious? You really wanna box?
Nancy Hayes: If I win, you show me how to steal a car. If you win, I do whatever you want. Put em up!
Jack Ryan: You grow up on a marine base?
Nancy Hayes: Don't use the, "I've never hit a girl" excuse.
Jack Ryan: I've never hit a girl.
[Nancy hits him in the head]
Jack Ryan: Don't be hitting me in my head when I'm not looking. You just awakened a sleeping giant.
John Clasky: Think seriously about getting up. You don't have to get up right now, but are you thinking seriously about it?
Fletcher: Your honor, I object!
Fletcher: Because it's devastating to my case!
Fletcher: Good call!
Dr. Evil: Son, wouldn't you like to see what daddy does for a living?
Scott Evil: Blow me.
Dr. Evil: What?
Scott Evil: Show me.
I think you will find me a slasher... of prices!Simon Skinner
Mike Damone: I mean don't just walk in. You move across the room. And you don't talk to her. You use your face. You use your body. You use everything. That's what I do. I mean I just send out this vibe and I have personally found that women do respond. I mean, something happens.
Mark Ratner: Well, naturally something happens. I mean, you put the vibe out to 30 million chicks, something is gonna happen.
Mike Damone: That's the idea, Rat. That's the attitude.
Clark: I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. You're gonna have fun, and I'm gonna have fun... We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we're gonna need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of your assholes! I must be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit!
Rusty Griswold: [Grabs Clark's shoulder] Dad, you want an aspirin?
Clark: Don't touch!
I wouldn't mind being married to you... would you mind being married to me?Mr. Big
Peter La Fleur: [after Patches hits Justin in the face with a wrench] Yeah, uh, Patches... are you sure that this is completely necessary?
Patches O'Houlihan: Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine?
Peter La Fleur: Probably not.
Patches O'Houlihan: No, but I do it anyway because it's sterile and I like the taste.
Peter La Fleur: ...Okay.
Andy: -get out of...
Richard 'Data' Wang: -here!
Stef: Like now!